Should I get involved with this guy if he's still in contact with "the one that got away"?

I've recently started "dating" a guy that I go to grad school/PhD with. I knew him for a year before he asked me out to dinner. After dinner, I asked him out for a second date, which we did the following week.

The school year before all of this occurred, so last year, he was seeing a different girl in our PhD program. I would say I am acquaintances with her, however she moved out of the country for a year or so, and is coming back sometime this summer. I recall him telling me a while back (obviously before he had feelings for me) that he saw her as "the one that got away." I know they still keep in contact, and I even overheard a conversation of some mutual friends of mine and his the other day that he is planning a trip to go see her in London where she is living soon.

It makes me wonder why he's taking me out and what he's even doing with me, if he's still hung up on her and going to even visit her soon. Please help :)


Most Helpful Girl

  • I would definitely be concerned about this. Especially if you are wanting a relationship with this guy. The way I see it, if you are with someone or are working towards one, there should be no doubts. Where there is doubt, there is no love. I think that he still loves this girl. Especially if she is "the one that got away". Sometimes we lust over something that we wish turned out differently. Who knows why they broke up. But I think you need to play your cards carefully here.

    Definitely have a talk with him. Find out where you two stand. Are you just seeing each other? If so he may not feel he is attached to anyone and is free to pursue this girl again. That would be the reason for the trip, IMO. Because who would spend all that money to go on a trip just to see an ex? She will come back in the summer, so what's the rush to see her?

    I could be wrong. But I think that you should safeguard your heart here. Find out what is going on between you two and with him and her.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Hmmm that is a tricky situation, I suggest you talk about this with him as friendly as you can with the right tone to establish the proper setting so he won't feel pressured.

    I suggest you ask him if he does have feelings for this other girl and if he does, And add that you won't get upset which ever decision he chooses. Whether he chooses her or you , respect his decision and remind him you two will have no hard feelings about the situation.

  • I think he's in love with the chick that left. He may be using you.

    • We aren't sleeping together or anything. We've only made out, but who knows. Thanks.

What Girls Said 1

  • Huh. If I were in your shoes id be intimidated! I would say see what happens afte this trip, if he gets more distant after that it's not a good sign. also you might want to talk about it if your in a relationship, tell him your concerns and stuff