Being afraid of letting future boyfriends in?

I am so shy and I won't kiss someone the first time I meet him, just because I am not comfortable with it. I have had bad experiences with guys and how they treated me. I know I shouldn't brush all guys with the same paint ? but I feel like they all want one time from me, sex nothing more , that's it. It partly has to do with where I'm going out at night , I know its not the right place to meet guys at bars , but I have joined clubs and met other people, but not people I am attracted to physically . I make it difficult for guys who approach me in a bar because I am weary of being used.

Its not that I don't want a boyfriend , I want companionship more then anything and when I am ready I will let him know. I have guy mates and people reckon I'm the best thing any guy could get , its just getting past the barrier I put up to protect myself is the problem.

is there an answer to being more outgoing and less "up tight"?


this sums up how I feel, basically.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Have you tried a different environment, perhaps the guys at bars and clubs are more like the guys your used to... or you can't relax in any of those environments, because of the past - have you tried going to house parties, or hosting your owns.

    Perhaps joining a local club/organisation, such as a sports club, or a book circle, you may meet someone that way.

    The truth is, when a guy is worth knowing, he'll make the effort to break through that "up tight" defensiveness... whilst true that a guy likes a girl to be outgoing - that fact that your going out should be enough for him... if he want's to meet you, he'll meet you half-way.

    Time is all it will take, and you're likely to burnt, I feel your cautiousness is warranted, and you shouldn't always kiss a guy on the first date... so I wouldn't worry about it.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Decide what you're comfortable with before you're a couple, and what comes after.

    If guys drop hints about sex or something, you can indicate that you really wish you had a boyfriend to do that with.

    Did guys in the past pretend you were a couple when they had no feelings, or did they just ... behave casually and vanish when you hoped/felt it was more?

    • yeah , I liked a guy who knew I liked him but made fun of me for it.. I guess I felt my looks were to blame.. I'm scared of rejection in some senses and When a guy comes along who is nice , I feel like he's secretly making fun of me, for believing he likes me . god this is so hard to explain! ha.

    • No, that makes sense, but if I understand right ... that hasn't happened.

      Be clear what you want (a relationship with sex, not just sex, and not just holding hands) and guys who are interested will pursue it with you.

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