Why is leading someone on so popular these days?

So somehow I get the feeling that leading someone on has become some sort of popular thing.

It's been happening to me and to some of my friends lately a lot.

You meet a girl everything is going great and she starts showing interest in you and then things start even better. But after some time in stead of some sort of relationship forming she skips out and starts acting all distant like she wasn't actually interested.

I can't stop thinking this is some kind of leading on.

Either the girls were never really interested in the guy they were leading on or they chicken out at the last moment when it starts getting serious witch is again leading on. And I don't understand it.

This has happed to me a couple of times and it's getting frustrating.

What is the purpose of this game?

Can anyone enlighten me.



Most Helpful Guy

  • It's not only girls..but I have my little theory: you say 'these days' so you're assuming in the past this was not the case..so it got me wondering what has happened now then for example one or two generations ago: we're still in the middle of a social revolution if you ask me. Too much (wrong) info which goes through too many media channels too fast. Physical relationships are even virtualizing as well...etc etc.. I sometimes wonder if our brains have already adjusted fully for this (perhaps the toddlers of nowadays will :-) ) to cope with the impact..Perhaps to some degree of exaggeration, our 'self's are being spread thin, we're being hollowed out when it comes to pure human behavior based on emotions and feelings rather than by material consumption marketing and so-called facts. With a fast speed of life, emotions are donwgraded to sensations only. Sensations are superficial, "volatile"..So if people start to lose them"selves" in sensations only, you can't blame them for not taking the time and efforts for any deeper feelings, ie. taking relationships seriously, even for themselves..Relationships are being consumed the same way as everything else (porn anyone? :-) ). Boredom becomes king, so you're down to job-hoppers, relationship-hoppers, gadget-hoppers..In this thinking, you could even say that those who are leading on, don't really do it on purpose - they're just following a social trend..perhaps even doing it to others more now since they were the victim of it just the same.. I guess if we lose ourselves in superficialities, we'll become emotional vampires for deeper emotions..after all, we're still a social species..

    So there, a little Saturday ten-minute theory .. But my point is: don't take it personal..so don't get too frustrated over it or you may miss that one serious girl you're looking for as well..

    • Great answer buddy.

    • Show All
    • @Iamnobody - thx for backing me up :-) - hope you recover fast there..

      @Levin - sensations are what you feel immediately after your senses have stimulated you one way or another. It's closer to your body: fragrances, beauty, touch, music,.. Emotions imply the more psychological, abstract aspect of it and how we behave towards it: love, respect, intrigue, sadness.

      Example: I can find a girl's smile very attractive (sensation), that doesn't necessarily make me fall in love with her (emotion)..

    • Now this is a good theory and I've actually thought along these lines before and it makes a lot of sense.

      The thing is I do take it personal because there's no other way of taking it even though I have an idea of why it's still toying with someone else's emotions witch is not right in any case.

      So interesting theory very cool and it gives me a lot more to think about.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 7

  • 1. Why is leading someone on so popular these days? Power is fun to some.

    It's not a these days things that's happened in the past for both as players, liars, manipulators existed in those days as well.

    2. What is the purpose of this game? Power.

    That's if it's a game. Some people tend to place high expectations on commitment for casual acts.

    Such as a girl who thinks if she sleeps with a guy he's obligated to be her boyfriend but doesn't tell the guy this before he f*cks her...if that was her line of thinking she's probably best suited to have mentioned her sex conditions.

    Or a guy who thinks because he bought a girl a drink she's obligated to talk to him...if he wanted a chat he's probably best suited to have offered a chat not a drink..

    3. Can anyone enlighten me.

    "You meet a girl everything is going great and she starts showing interest in you and then things start even better. But after some time in stead of some sort of relationship forming she skips out and starts acting all distant like she wasn't actually interested. '

    Seems like she was interested then lost it or it wasn't as strong as it was initially so she decided why bother. Not really chickening out more like "I don't want it" or "not as good as I thought it was".

  • i think I do this, so ill answer with what my feelings are.

    for me, ill start to like a guy. we'll hang out, talk about ourselves, get to know each other, etc etc. then maybe he will ask me to go on a date. most of the time, unless I'm just completely NOT interested, I will yes to the first date. 1) I think its fun. 2) why not? its one date, like what's the big deal?

    so up until this point, I'm not showing anything negative towards the guy. like I'm not gonna be all sad around him or anything, he's only going to be seeing the 'happy' me basically. well, if for whatever reason I don't think its going to work out, then I start to get distant. ill answers his text messages an hour or so after I get them, ill say I'm busy for a second date, that sort of stuff. but that's not because I was trying to lead him on and then just leave him. I just don't know how to say that I'm not interested, because he doesn't know that side of me. he's only been around the 'fun' me and its hard to show that other side when you know its going to be potentially hurting the other person.

    • Reading this is quite depressing.

    • I agree, it is. God, I hope every girl doesn't think like you...

    • so it just sounds like you do this quite often, feel sorry for any guy that falls for you since you generally just seem depressed or just claim to be just to screw around with however many guys you want which I think is the true purpose of this scheme. bunch of bs really, why can't girls just admit this? I guess nobody would really like to admit to being a whore or a slut

  • she could have gotten turned off. maybe she liked you, but either met someone else or realized you werent the guy for her, or lost interest. if this is the case, then she didn't lead you on.

    people have been leading each other on for years, its not something that just now happened. guys do it to girls, girls do it to guys. most people do it for ego boost, or attention or control reasons

  • Believe it or not, its the same problem I have with guys. I know everyone says that but its true. I think everyone thinks people are trying to "one up" them so they behave in a shady manner. Instead of just laying it out there and taking it from there, they play games. What's even worst is, they think the other person is playing games and thus they start to distant themselves. Its a vicious cycle. For us women, however, its hard (not that it isn't hard for a man) but I guy shows interest in you but if you show interest in him too quickly then he backs away (like WTF, how dysfunctional). Not being from the US, I can say the rules here are absolutely ridiculous when it comes to dating. In my country, if you see some woman you like all you need to do is ask her out. If she doesn't like you she will tell you what her intentions are right there and then. After two or so dates you are exclusive. Easy. No wondering if they person is going to ask you to be his mate. People always think that the grass is greener on the other side. I say find a nice person with the personality you like, that likes you too and stick with them because no one is perfect. We all tend to judge a little too much (me included, I must confess). We think well maybe this person is trying to play us or wonder if they meant this when they said that or we think he/she was lying when he/she said he/she was busy. And then there is the issue of upsetting someone, if you let them know what you are thinking. Argh You are damned if you do and damned if you dont. In fact I have highly contemplating being a bitch now because guys think the relationship is too easy being that I don't like to fuss. People just don't know what the hell they want. With that said, just ask if you there is a problem or the girl is being distant. Give her the benefit of the doubt and don't be quick to assume its something its not.

  • i've recently just done this to a guy...i was interested in him...really interested, but the more I got to know him the more his personality, friends and life put me off so I distanced myself and in the end just stopped replying to texts. its not a game though. x

  • First date is like a test drive for us. We see how it goes, if it's not what we want.. we well.. we ditch making an effort.

  • I've never done this before but I feel that if they are doing that to you they either

    1. Feel that they aren't ready for a relationship

    2. WAnted to get to know you more and once they knew you more decided they didn't want anything else

    3. Think you are moving too fast and they feel you are a creep or desperate person and feel they now have to jump ship

    4. They probably feel that they were interested in you just to make you happy but now that you're happy and got what you want they want to go and find someone else to make happy

    (this is an odd one, and it doesn't make much sense but some girls are confusin).

    5. Maybe you just thought they were leading you on but maybe they are just the flirty type and wanted to be friends but you got the wrong idea and now they are scared you might want to push it further.

    don't know what else to add. good luck


What Guys Said 5

  • I usually condemn that type of behavior but it happened to me last night, and in this case I was the one who did the leading on. I couldn't help it; I was heartbroken, drunk and craving affection. So a girl who liked me was there and I started flirting and getting all touchy feely with her. Thing is I wasn't even aware of what I was doing until the next morning when I realized it and was really disappointed with myself. I don't think its a trend but I think people do it to heal themselves somewhat. Everybody hurts because of someone else and they just want the pain to go away, so they start using other people. Unless of course they're just a player, that's a whole other ballgame.

  • I feel it is for the attention because when you lead someone on you get so much attention from that person you are leading on and for some people they need attention that much that they are begging for someone to give it to them. I believe it is human nature to crave attention and that is why I think leading people on is so popular.

  • in todays world its all about looks and social status and what you own that matters, I blame the media and society for turning courtship into a game or a joke rather. what I will say though is theyre are different free thinking women out there cut from a different cloth, just gotta find one first. that's the hard part.

  • It really is my man. It sucks.

  • Some do it for an ego boost... Some use others for attention because they have low self esteem and issues. Others have trust or commitment issues and get scared and run. Many are afraid of being played so they chicken out when things are going good because they think it's a trap. Most commonly though, girls don't know what they want. They are indecisive and insecure. You just have to pay attention to what's wrong with them and see if that's just a wall that needs to be broken down or if it's a real problem that is going to lead to a failed relationship. There are a lot of messed up girls out there. Either you can accept that and search for ones worthy of a relationship, or you can screw around while it lasts.

    • i love your answer so true so true you deserve to have the best answer

    • Ok I get the low self esteem issues and other things but it's still going to hurt someones feelings. I don't know it's an oxymoron by it's self. I just can't imagine myself being happy because someone likes me and then me leading them on and then still being happy when I turn the tables. I just can't think of why it would make people feel food about themselves.

    • I was speaking more to why girls do it, then people in general. Girls like attention. They feed on it. So that attention feels good while they are using someone. When it runs out they just find a new fix. It's like a drug to them.