What if he's attracted to me for the wrong reasons?

what if I'm not attracted to him for what he's attracted to me for? I've gotten a lot of "go for the guy that's attracted to you" comments in the past. what if he's attracted to me for the wrong reasons?


Most Helpful Guy

  • If he's strongly attracted to beauty, and he thinks that you're the most beautiful person in the world, then he's attracted to you for the right reason.

    If he's attracted to nurturing people, and he thinks that you'd be a great person to have kids with, then he's attracted to you for the right reason.

    If what he wants is to be with a nurturing person, and he's with you because he thinks you're beautiful and he can't do any better, and you can't fulfill his emotional needs, then he's with you for the wrong reason, and the relationship will probably eventually end.

    But you don't get to decide what his reasons ~should be~. That's not how it works.

    • wouldnt being with someone just because they are "beautiful" be considered lust anyways? I mean a nurturing person could easily be described as beautiful through her good nature.

    • Let's say that you're extremely happy with your boyfriend. He satisfies all of your needs and desires in a mate. How would you feel if he decided to break up with you, because HE didn't think you were with him for the reasons HE thought you should be?

      Not everybody wants the same thing, and it's not up to YOU to decide what they SHOULD want.

    • i see what you mean

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • If according to your opinion "the wrong reasons" include anything sex-related then prepare to be single.

    Every guy is a horndog. The only difference is whether they show it or not.

    And personality got nothing to do with it at all.

    But if you want a "noble" asexual guy..

    ..meet someone from the church.


What Girls Said 1

  • You should go for the guy who is attracted to you because guys' attractions don't really change like girls do (unless you undergo a dramatic transformation). That doesn't mean though that you shouldn't be going for the guys *you* are attracted to as well. It needs to be a two way street. And if he's attracted to you for the wrong reasons, (looks, sex, something else shallow, etc.) you don't have to go for him. Keep waiting it out. Initially, yes, guys will be attracted to you for looks and sex, but if they're a keeper, they will appreciate all of the qualities you want to be appreciated for as well. I promise, they're out there! If he doesn't, he's just simply not a keeper. Throw him back in the pond.

    For example, I remember dating a guy once that I knew was very into me and he treated me right. All seemed to be going well, until I asked him what he valued in a woman, specifically regarding intelligence, sense of humor, etc. As it turns out, he did appreciate that I was a responsible, "good girl," (I was a virgin at the time) but he could really care less about finding a girl who was smart and funny. He just wanted a "good girl." That didn't sit well with me. Sure he liked me, sure he treated me well, but he didn't appreciate me for the things I thought were my best qualities. He instead appreciated me for something that I felt was kind of judgmental and made me think differently of him. Some might disagree with me, but I think it's important to find compatibility on that level as well. Where you feel someone is seeing you for your greatest qualities.

    Finding the right match takes time, but it's 10X more worth it than settling out of impatience.