Am I doing something wrong? Because this online dating thing is getting really discouraging.

I am in college and it is hard to meet guys because I am older than most undergrad students and it is really hard to meet grad students. They seem to be tucked away in their research labs all the time.

I feel ready to start a relationship, especially considering that I am 26 years old. I don't like to rush into things, so taking things slowly is a must. And I want to be a mom someday and I am beginning to realize that if I actually want this to happen (which is what I want more than anything) I need to start actively seeking mature guys.

However, I am in the middle of a dilemma. I don't really want to meet anyone in my area because I have no intention of staying here for very long after graduation (next spring).

Online dating seemed like the best choice, especially considering that I am very busy with work and internships and finishing up school. I barely have time for my friends and my dog let alone time time to try to meet guys in a social setting.

The problem is that it seems that guys online only want girls in their area. Well, I know where I want to end up after graduation and due to safety issues in the area that I live in, it doesn't seem like a good idea to put that down as my location. I live alone and I walk most places, so it isn't really safe for people to know I am single. I had to deal with a stalker a little over a year ago and it wasn't fun by any means. It was actually terrifying. I don't ever want to go through that again. So I put down in my profile that I live in a different area, but will be moving there in a year and a half or so after my graduation. I have been very upfront about it.

However, it seems that really cute guys who seem awesome contact me and then when I actually contact them back, they take the time to re-read my profile and realize that I don't currently live in their area. Then, they never respond back.

It is discouraging because I am a cute, genuine, loyal girl but they won't even give me a chance because they might have to wait a few months to meet me until I can arrange to visit friends in the area and be sure he is worth the trip due to the distance. It isn't a horribly long distance (about an hour by plane) and I feel like they make a bigger deal out if it than it needs to be.

It is just really discouraging and I feel like I will never meet anyone. Oh, except for the old men and creepers. There are tons of those in the online dating world.


Most Helpful Guy

  • You are doing online dating wrong. The point of online dating is to get the ambiguous "do you like me or not" stage out of the way. Or quick and easy sex.

    People do things online that their either don't want anyone else to know about, or they don't want to leave their house for.

    If an attractive guy is on an online dating site he is most likely not looking for a girlfriend or anything serious. He wants something discreet and easy. Messaging a girl for a couple days (sometimes hours) then inviting her over to your place is wayyyy easier than picking a girl up, taking her out to a restaurant, paying for her meal and hoping that she decides to go back with you. Now you're elongating that "restaurant date" portion out to months in advance.

    I have learned the hard way, NEVER wait for a girl you meet from the internet. You're essentially asking someone with options to commit to something that is completely non-existent in her current life, and most likely (from his perspective) probably never will be, in the hope that on the off chance you move in two months to a job you don't have yet. He could just go on Tinder and meet some other girl tomorrow. You might even be a catfish.

    From a logical standpoint, why?


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What Guys Said 4

  • Most guys onlie are hoping to scoe quickly and won't wait a few months for you to make arrangements. Also, you are competing against people who already live close to them...What would lead them to choose yu in that situation?

    Online dating is such a minefield anyway. Save it until you're located in your new place. As you say, you don't have much time for them now anyway.

    • Yeah, when I am 28. I really want to be a mom, but I will not risk having children when I have a higher risk of birth defects due to my age. I will just spend my life feeling sad that I didn't get that opportunity. I really need to meet someone now so that I can be getting engaged around that time. An who's to say it will work out with the next guy I date? Not likely.

    • Show All
    • I am worried that if I did that I would be disappointed when it didn't turn out well. A week is a long time and I would have to skip a lot of classes, not to mention taking an entire week off of work (which was completely out of the question before I got a different job a few months ago). I am just really bad at meeting people in person. I am not sure if I am just not approachable or what, but it never seems to work out.

    • practice makes perfect! Give it a try in a new location where you don't have to worry about your friends and what they think. It might be a lot easier.

      Only an hour by plane? Maybe just take a long weekend then instead of the whole week, you can still get a gym membership, go out to a coffee shop, walk around the parks, and you can still try to meet someone you find online.

  • You need to frequent places where guys in the real world go. Can't hide behind your computer there. But just make sure it's a place where you can talk as well.

    • I live in a college/military town. I don't know of anywhere that I can go to meet guys where they aren't expecting a one night stand. I have cried myself to sleep too many nights because of meeting guys who want nothing to do with me once they realize that I'm not easy.

    • Except maybe church. Which I have tried before and it worked out okay except for the fact that girls who go to church are jealous and really, really catty, which I can't deal with. And in order to get close to the guys, you have to fit in with the girls, too.

  • Well that settles it. Date old men and creepers.

  • at least you don't have to deal with the hundreds of cam girls that guys have to deal with on quite a few of the sites I have tried.


What Girls Said 1

  • Following advice:

    1: Don't worry be happy and you'll attract guys. Guys are scared of needy chicks who want babies and a relationship.

    2: wait til you get to this other place and instead of browsing the internet focus on finnishing what you have (internship etc)

    3: Once you arrive at this new place, ditch the internet and join a golf club or a hunting club or any place that men frequent.

    4: once you are at this place with many men try not to make it obvios that you are boyfriend hunting and let them hunt you down... You have the cards in your favor cause you are the minority.

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