You want to trust your partner but these three things happened in the 10 months of dating, what would you do?


You meet this seemingly perfect person, you begin to date. A month into the relationship one of your partner's exes comes to town. This ex is exotic and beautiful. While you are out of town working your partner decides to visit the ex but doesn't tell you about it until a week later. Continue dating two more months... You are doing laundry and when you take your partner's phone out of their pocket you accidentally hit a button and see a new text from someone on one of those "chat websites" like zoosk. You've just gotten over your partner visiting the exotic ex incident so you confront your partner on this new found info and they say its someone from some other state and its innocent. Your partner apologizes and deletes the app.

Skip to dating 5 more months (your now at 8 months) you have forgiven your partner for the two mistakes, but you have grown to question your partners everyday moves... such as your partner is always on their phone, texting, and when you jokingly lean in to see and they react by tilting the screen so you can't see it.

You work weekends out of town and that is the only time your partner decides to go out to the bar with their gay friend. You come home from work early one weekend to surprise your partner. You get home and wait, your partner comes home but brings the gay friend (of opposite gender). Your partner is completely trashed and invites you to join in for more drinks but you're tired and all you want to do is spend time with your partner. You go to bed and leave them in the other room to drink more. Finally about 4am your partner drives the friend home then comes crawling into bed with you.

Skip to dating two more months (now at 10 months) Aside from these three events stated above you and your partner are an amazing couple. You have all the same interests, treat each other with complete respect, you love each others' family and friends and get along very well. Your "bed" life is adventurous and you both are always pleased. BUT because of these three mistakes you still feel that you can't fully trust your partner. You love each other very much and you want to gain that trust back but right now you feel as though you never will.

You can leave your opinion on what you would do and or answer the poll question.

  • Get over the minor trust issues, you've found
    Vote A
  • Leave your partner, if there is even a hint of a doubt that you can fully trust your partner then there is no point.
    Vote B
  • Everyone makes mistakes, get over it.
    Vote C
  • The mistakes made are unforgivable either leave now or risk getting hurt over and over again in the future.
    Vote D
  • This is stupid, I just want to see results.
    Vote E
Select a gender to cast your vote:
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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'd say that you're the one with the issues, not him.

    -He told you about meeting his ex one week later, big deal. He told you, he didn't lie about it. She's an ex for a reason.

    -The phone thing isn't good, but there isn't enough information. What kind of message, did he start talking to the girl before or after you met, etc.

    -He goes out drinking with a lesbian friend. He had plans and didn't expect you to be there. Being already drunk his decision making isn't that good.

    Something tells me you have an ex that cheated on you.

    • Yes, the reason she is an ex is that she lives in Brazil. She was his first love and first sex partner. I didn't care that he went and saw her... it was the not telling me part that did it in for me. The reason the phone thing bothered me so much was because I met him on a phone app similar to that and he said he never used them anymore since meeting me... so it was another blatant lie. I guess I could have mentioned that in it as well. And you are 100% right, I had an ex who cheated on me.

    • Show All
    • I'm guessing here, I can't be sure.

      Sometimes girls say it's okay for the guy to do something, secretly hoping he realizes that she isn't okay, just to test him.

      Maybe you did things like that before, maybe you didn't. It is possible he lied to you to avoid having a fight. If it was clear to me you have issues with an ex through one post, he probably realizes you have trust issues and didn't want to make you worry.

      So I'm thinking it was a lie to protect both himself and you.

    • Damn you're good! lol, when I think back to when it happened I kinda feel like it was a test. but at the same time I didn't care.. or at least I didn't want to care. I guess my insecurities creeped in a bit hard there since I knew all about his and her past and saw pictures of her. It was a little much but I also didn't want to sound jealous so I told him to go. You are probably right in guessing it was to save his own butt.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • If you can't trust them, you're just wasting your time. Without trust no relationship will work. You'll either nag him/her to giving up on you cause s/he can't take the lack of trust (this is assuming s/he really isn't do anything wrong) or you'll dump him/her because you have no trust for him/her anymore and can't take it (and there's a chance s/he really is doing something wrong).

    I mean, tbh those aren't huge mistakes. I don't see who it's a problem the guy was with his friend. He didn't know you'd be home since you were out and it'd be rude to change plans already made with someone and yet he did try to invite you along. That "problem" seems entirely on you. The other two I can see as being a bit more fishy and wtf. Like his ex coming to town and he going to see her would be just terrible and he shoulda let you know sooner (i.e. before he even went), but that was still really early in the relationship so might be a bit understandable, but still.. hmm

    As for the app thing? It could be something he had before he met you and just being casual/friendly with people met on it.

    Those don't seem like things to lose trust over. But if you have lost your trust and can't get it back you're really just wasting your time.

  • First, I think you're the one that comes across as untrustworthy in this.

    ". You are doing laundry and when you take your partner's phone out of their pocket you accidentally hit a button"

    Are you six years old? Do you honestly expect people to believe such an obvious lie?

    At least have the guts to own up to your snooping!

    The visiting the ex, was a problem. The phone thing, not so much.

    And the gay friend was absolutely NOT a problem in any way.

    The fact that you even included it in this question shows that you're reaching...

    I think you're boyfriend is a good guy, but you are one deeply deceitful girl.

    • It's not THAT hard to accidentally hit a button. If she's making up the laundry story and was actually purposefully snooping, how could she have explained that to her boyfriend and still gotten an apology from him? Don't jump to conclusions.

    • actually it was an accident. Its an iphone when I grabbed it I must have hit something. The screen came on and there it was. I didn't see what it said or anything just that it was from a girl and from that app "zoosk" which as far as I can tell is a dating app? Anyways I simply asked him about it and he was the one who told me it was a girl from another state and that it was nothing.

What Girls Said 2

  • I can understand why these things bothered you, but I don't think they are grounds for a breakup- unless you are unable to get over them. I think the best thing to do would be to talk to your boyfriend and let him know how these events have made you feel. He hasn't actually done anything wrong, but it sounds like he could be more respectful of your feelings by being more open with you about his social life. Ask that next time he does something like visit an ex, he lets you know in advance, not a week later. I think that's fair.

    • Every relationship will have little things that happen. It's how you handle them that matters. I think it's best to talk about them with your partner so that you can both learn from them and grow as a couple.

    • I didn't think they were grounds for a break up either, I was just curious on what others would do in a situation like this. Thanks for the input!

  • Things take time...