Why do we go on "dates"?

I'm talking about official dates between people who are not together as yet. It seems like it is a financial burden to the asker (usually guys) who is trying to impress someone they like (usually girls) who may not necessarily like them back. I personally prefer to only go on dates when the girl and I are togehter, because in that case we are both trying to make that outing special and trying to put impress each other instead of one person making all the effort wheras the other is there to look pretty or handsome and enjoy a free meal.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Well, historically the point of dating is to figure each other out, with the understood intent that you're thinking about going out with each other to build a relationship. The guy would traditionally ask the girl out and take the responsibility of the covering the cost of the outing as part of the courtship process. In return, the girl would be attentive in listening/responding to his stories, look and smell good, etc. Women would ultimately reciprocate by inviting the guy to her home for a home-cooked meal (usually with her family present). The guy gets to sample her cooking, see how she keeps house, etc. Back then it was presumed that the guy wouldn't know how to cook and the woman would; that the guy would be able to support her and she would be able to delight him on a number of levels. (Ahem... Keeping this PG-13, okay?)

    The crashing waves of emancipation and equal opp protests hit the shoreline and suddenly women started asking men out, blotting out a very old gender-role tradition to cross the gender line at every level.

    Today, some women balk when a guy doesn't offer his seat on a bus, train, etc. and leaves her standing, or only opens the door wide enough to step through it himself, without looking back, but this is part and parcel of the decision to eradicate all gender-based stereotypes. Women liked being treated well, but it's confusing (to both guys and girls) to say you want that without offering to treat your date to the occasional dinner. Today it's NOT assumed that women are good homemakers, so it's not clear that guys always have to court a girl with fancy restaurant cooking. Everyone takes short-cuts -- if you don't believe it, just take a look at the debacle of the last Valentine's Day. How may people bought the SMALLEST/CHEAPEST thing they could -- maybe a box of candy from the pharmacy -- to court a person or show that they "cared"?

    Dating... well, it's lost it's value. The focus has shifted (deplorably) over the years to refer to any form of "going out" for the purpose of "hooking up" rather than building foundations for a relationship. As such, guys are not always expected to pay, not are girls always expected to get gussied up.


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What Girls Said 3

  • Why do we go on "dates"? To get to know someone and access their romantic and/or sexual potential.

    "It seems like it is a financial burden to the asker (usually guys) who is trying to impress someone they like (usually girls) who may not necessarily like them back. "

    There's plenty of free/cheap dates and from my observations and other gals experiences most gals tend to go dutch as they've quickly come to the realization that to most guys spending money on a girl has them think they are paying for her body and that she owes him sex.

    If you're often in the situation of dating someone who may not necessarily like you back perhaps it's best suited to get a feel of their attraction/interest towards you before asking them out much less financially burdening yourself.

    "tead of one person making all the effort wheras the other is there to look pretty or handsome and enjoy a free meal."

    If that has been your experience most likely the gals you dated weren't that interested in you.

  • Take her out for coffee, drinks or go for a hike and bring some fruit and granola bars as a snack! I've had picnic dates, bike riding dates, exercising dates that didn't cost a dime, and they were still fun!

    You don't have to have an expensive date to make it awesome. You don't have to spend a lot of money to impress a girl. Being your authentic fun, awesome self is all you really need! You won't seem cheap, but it can be expensive to take a girl out if you are going out to dinner every day.

    Dates are for getting to know someone. I love it when a guy takes me out to a nice romantic dinner, but it doesn't mean that I'm going to be his girlfriend.

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  • To get to know each other.

    The only guys who complain are the ones who drop tons of money trying to "win over" girls who aren't interested in them. Girls are fine with something simple. Most are fine with you not even paying for the date -- as long as you don't force them to do something expensive. Grab a few drinks -- coffee, beer, whatever and make conversation. Cheap and gets to the real point of going on dates. Guys who waste tons of money on girls they don't know are like girls who are over-the-top with their sexual inneundo -- only the users will bite on the bait.

    • So you wouldn't mind an official date being just a few drinks even a first date? and you wouldn't see it as cheap or something?

    • No, that would be a relief! Guys who take you somewhere expensive often seem like they're trying to ensure that you "owe" them something. If you're worried about not having food there (a nice diversion if conversation lags) pick a cheap appitizer to split while you're talking.

What Guys Said 5

  • depends what you look at as a "date". I like to take a girl out for a drink, that is my limit, a coffee or a beer listening to a band, usually the most intimate I have been with a girl the more intimate place I take her so if we just met and there wasn't really a massive connection we go for a coffee.

    It's true, there is absolutely no reason to go for dinner dates on your first date unless you really, really enjoy spending money on other people (I know guys like this, they are out there and good on you) but if you have any, ANY other reason for taking a girl out, it's a retarded idea

    the whole thing is at best pointless, unless you just want to f*** a girl and you want to meet someone special do you really think that someone special will want you to spend a bunch of money on her? What does that say about how "special" this someone is if a coffee is "beneath" her, that sounds pretty arrogant to me personally and not the kind of girl I would date

    At worst she will put you into the same boring catagory as all her other suiters

  • When I was in university, people didn't go on 'dates'. You just hung out, got to know each other, became a couple, and then maybe did things together.

    'Dating' is more something people do in the workforce, because their social circle is not what it was in university. So 'dates' don't mean you're a couple, but it means you are going out to get to know each other and see if there's potential for more.

    Among single people I know, drinks would be _normal_ for a first date, not dinner.

  • I don't really see it that way. When I'm on a date I'm not trying to impress the girl I'm just getting to know her. If she doesn't like the real me I'll move on and find a girl who does.

    Also even if I ask her out there's no way I'm paying for everything, I'll usually ask them out for a drink and buy the first one (never been on a dinner date). It actually puts me off of a girl if she expects me to pay for everything - golddigger alert. I might treat a girl when I'm with her, but never while we're just getting to know each other so I agree on that one.

  • It was supposed to be used to court your potential spouse... Now and days people use it because they are lonley or everyone else is doing it and or for nothing but sex...

    Dating lost its value...

  • If you aren't in a relationship, it's foolish to pay for her.

    I have never paid for a girl. It's enough that she should enjoy my company and the good time. I don't need to financially incentivise her to go out with me.