Basically I feel put off by guys altogether due to bad experiences?

guys. I'm not expereinced which is why I have picked the wrong guys. I was seeing a guy recently but its all ended because he realized he wants a casual thing not a relationship, he says this after I refuse to suck him off. I mean what the hell I seen him two times and he expected way too much. We wanted different things so we no longer talk at all. We had an argument in the end. An I told him exactly what he is. I know not all guys may be like this, but I'm yet to be proven wrong. I feel like any guy that shows me attention, may not have good intentions. I don't feel positive about meeting a guy in the future. I feel put off by guys :/ sadly, I don't feel like I'm ever going to settle down. I don't know what I'm looking for anymore. I don't have a type or particular preference. Will I ever stop feeling like this. How can I remain positive?


Most Helpful Guy

  • All I can do is tell you that this happens to just about everybody at one point or another. Seriously, the dating game sucks. It doesn't matter if you're a guy or a girl, if you're looking for a relationship you will always run the risk of getting burned by someone who's just looking for sex, or some detestable person who is just gonna lie to get what they want, or use you somehow. These people are always gonna be out there.

    Whenever I tell someone this, they usually respond by asking how one could tell if they're sincere or just using you. How you can tell what they really want. As always the answer to this is; "You can't. Ever." If there were sure, and telltale signs that prove a person to be true, then users would just exploit them and use them.

    What you need to do though is just try to make whatever human connection you can. Not by having sex, but just by trying to have some kind of good time, and do whatever you do, just for yourself. Don't go looking for some significant other, just because you think you need one, but rather because you think this person is a good fit, but let it happen when it happens. You will find someone sooner or later.

    Sure, there are some bastard guys out there. Sure there are some horrible women out there. Sure, people suck in general. Thing is; people can surprise you. Don't give up hope. The right person for you will come along. Don't go searching for this person, let them come into your life however it happens, and when this person shows up, you can decide what you want to do.

    I know it can be heartbreaking when you get a bunch of lousy dates, horny retards, cunts and/or douchebags, and it seems like they're all the same, but there are good people out there. Don't give up hope. Just prepare yourself for the worst, hope for the best, and until your next date with the next lucky person who has half a chance, just live your life, and have fun.

    Good luck out there.

    (BTW: also remember that whoever you're with now/next, that person isn't the previous person who disappointed you. Remember that.)

    • Yeah I guess everyone has to sift through the bad guys to get to the good. Yeah we all expereince the I only want casual fing. - agreed. Yh its heartbreaking :( time is a great healer. I'm feeling better already. Yeah not every guy is the same. Well deserved best answer. Thank you very much!

    • No problem. I hope you find someone you deserve at some point.

    • Yeah :) thank you. I hope so too...

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What Guys Said 4

  • What you need to remember is, some guys are just out to get what they can from a girl, where others are firstly seeking their respect, so if for any reason a guy comes across as to forward, ie asking for sex or anything sexual before you bring it up, then he is a bum and isn't good enough for you, but have confidence that you will attract one of these guys you seek. A girl like you is rare also, because you hear of girls getting into fwb's which isn't a very wise thing to do as a girl, because that's just agreeing to be used, and it leaves a reputaion for the girl, but seriously, you will get noticed, because talent like yours is not something you see in every girl, so maintain your attitude and stay clear of the pigs who talk about what they want from you, and wait for the ones who want to know what they can do for you, good luck,x

    • Couldn't agree more. So many girls want FWB's now for some reason which is self destructive, especially for a girl. I wish I could find a girl like you who was actually interested in a real committed relationship. It just seems that every girl who is at least semiattractive wants to get the most out their body, so to speak, before they can't any longer.

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    • I have mailed, I will try again,x

    • Oh OK. I have not received anything yet :/ mke sure you put x- at the beginning and end of sljh. X

  • I think you just need to take sometime being a bit more detached from people. I've had a similar feeling towards women. Had a few bad experiences with women who screwed me over, as well as witnessed down right stupid behavior by women which really turned me off to them in general. I just took a few weeks of not going out so focus on hobbies of mine. Basically let my anger cool down a bit by focusing on something that gives me personal satisfaction.

  • I had the "only looking for a casual speech" dropped on me at that age too (after myself and the girl involved got serious), so I see where you're coming from. It's unfortunate, but it's one of those things to just chalk up to experience and eventually move forward.

    It's definitely worth mentioning though (as Toban did) that this particular guy's behavior is not representative of all young men...there are decent, gentleman guys worthy of your attention out there who would look at what that other guy did and say, "Man, what an ass." Give guys you associate with in the future the benefit of the doubt...and if they then provide you a reason NOT to, then all bets are off.

    • Oh really. Sucks don't it. I felt like crap when he said that. As if I'm not good enough to be with :/ its disheartening. It was only a week ago. But I feel like I'm over it kind of. Yes true. Everyone deserves a chance. I agree and I will do that ;)

    • It sounds like your heart's in the right place...good luck! :-)

    • Thanks. I think it is lol. :)

  • You're still really young. There is no reason for you to hurry up and get into a serious relationship til you are several years older. Here's the thing, you should get into a more casual relationship... Even in a casual relationship you still have the ability to say no if they want to do something that you aren't up to doing. Then once you feel you're ready, you can take the causal relationship into something more serious. No need, at all, to try and start a serious relationship from the get go, when you aren't experience. Take things slow and things will eventually fall into place.

    • Yes very true. I totally agree. There's no rush :) well the guy I was seeing was too demanding and disrespected me so there's no way he stands another chance. Would rather die alone then go near him again. He makes me sick :/ my first kiss was with an absolute arsehole. Cringe.

    • well, why would you ever want to kiss an a**hole? That's just dirty... I guess some people have them weird fetishes. :P

      By demanding... Do you mean he is stern with you... Kind of like a boss at a job would be, or demanding as in... you do what he says, when he says, how he says or else!

    • I'm on about the guy. I've never kissed an arsehole lol! Yeah lol. He wanted to be in control and have everything on his terms.

What Girls Said 1

  • Unfortunately, there are guys out there like this, especially in our age group. They do get better as they grow up, and there are still plenty of good guys out there our age too. Look at it this way, you could have done what so many girls do, and given him a bj, only for him to tell you AFTER that he only wanted things to be casual. This happens more often than not.

    You keep doing what's right for you, hold off on the sexual until you're sure he's for real, and you will meet a good guy. Finding a good relationship wouldn't be so special if it were easy to find. The only thing you can do is try to pick up on the signs early of who he is. If you get a sense that he's a player, or he's pushing the sexual too quick, or he doesn't seem to be treating you like a gentleman looking for a relationship would, then don't get emotionally invested and back off.

    • Yh guys are immature at these ages lol. An yeah they grow up eventually. Yeah I feel used as I gave him a handjob. In the moment it felt right. It all makes sense now though. Yes true I have to give guys a chance an then see if they are genuine or not. At least I can spot a douche a mile off lol. Thanks.