Is it just sex or something more?

I met a guy through a few mutual friends at a bar. I had seen him around and and we totally just clicked instantly. It was all easy and natural...Unfortunately I'm going through a divorce and he's going through a fresh break up of an ex of 2 years...But needless to say, the spark was there and we were really getting to know each other. We were falling head over heels for each other rather quickly. We waited almost a month to have sex. We had spent the night together twice before and had spent the night talking, cuddling and kissing...Nothing more. He always used to ask what I was thinking. He was there for me with my soon to be ex-husbands drama and I was there for him through his ex's bullsh*t. Everything was great. When we finally had sex, it was like fireworks. He told me he was falling in love with me and I felt like things couldn't get better. I never had such an amazing connection with someone. Then he got an email from his ex which lead him to start ignoring me...A LOT. He used to call me, email, ect. multiple times a day and then all of a sudden, nothing. A few days later he called to talk. We met up and he told me he wanted to take a step back because his ex email him and he didn't know what to do. I was fine with it...I gave him all the space he needed and he thought I was ignoring him. I saw him around all the time but we hardly ever spoke. Two weeks later our friend was having a party at a bar and he was there. It was like an instant connection again. He told me he noticed how I was always trying to make him jealous (not true) and how he wanted to kick me in the throat for not talking to him. Everything seemed to go back to normal. Two nights later we had a drunken talk about everything and he said he really loved and missed me. I told him to stop holding back and let go of his ex and he said he would. We had sex again and it was the most amazing, passionate sex I've ever had. Everything was perfect until a week later then he pushed away again. I gave him his space and he got extremely jealous when I started to talk to a new guy. He thinks he's a d**che bag and rags on him all the time. Now we're "just friends" but he's always asking me to lunch, calls for stupid reasons and is there for me at any time of day...He wakes up and comes to me if I need him (recent deaths in the family). He flirts with me all the time and I don't get it. We're all taking a trip to Europe soon and he wants to stay in my room with me because he knows I hate sleeping alone. He vowed to just cuddle but our instant attraction (especially with liquor) will make that impossible. All of our friends know we just need ot be together but he won't allow it. He says it wants to take things slow but he doesn't try as hard as he used to anymore. He keeps throwing me into the friends zone but his actions show he wants something different. Everyone thinks he's too stubborn to just admit he wants/needs to be with me. every time we get close he shoves me away. Any advice? Help


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  • Hi there, I know it may be tough for you to hear but his ex has nothing to do with his resent disinterest in you. It is important since you will be getting back out into the dating world in the future at some point (I know you're probably thinking no time soon lol) but you have to create a dating identity of what you are looking for as this is the result you will get. Though I get the impression that you feel a month is a long wait for sex for men looking for something long term it is still fairly quick. Men though they will not say no we should wait still turn around and judge you based on how quickly you give in. The premise is that they believe that how quickly you gave in to them is just how quickly you would with another guy. He then also is probably judging you on the fact that though in process you technically were still married and violated that are you someone that he can trust and third he is also probably thinking that you were already informed that someone else was in the picture for him and you did not deem yourself special enough to be number one by walking away from him as soon as you knew that someone else may even possibly have his heart, when men give you this information ahead of time if you continue to talk to them in essence you are consenting that you do not care about the other possible relationship. So though maybe tough to hear I suggest that you chalk it up to 2012 dating lesson learned and despite your urges if you are trying to form a relationship with someone you have to be responsible for the image that you portray as unfortunately most men will let you give in even though they already know that they won't date someone that gives in. Now regarding the other episodes afterward of false hope if you notice the pattern of alcohol being involved and him saying what you want to hear until you have sex and then he disappears again. You have already accepted not being number one not just the first time but multiple times after, anytime that you are with a love interest and your conversation revolves around him getting over another woman then you are not number one. Hope that makes sense and helps. Wish you the best.