Am I Wrong?

Please tell me if I am doing anything wrong.

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship that lasted way too long. It was the back and forth sort of thing that just perpetuated any chance of moving forward. When the break was complete, I decided to take a break from dating as to not hurt anyone in the event that I was on the rebound. I have a male best friend. We dated 5 years ago for 2 weeks in college; nothing major, nothing serious. He has held a torch for me ever since. Mind you, he constantly reminds me that he is "over me" or "working past it" and "not sure he was ever IN love with me." I asked him a million times if he was going to be cool with it when I finally started to date; he said yes, absolutely. One night out with my girlfriend, a guy friend of hers met up with us. It was instant attraction. We've been inseperable ever since. I came to find out he is a manager at my best friend's place of employment. My best friend told me he will not be comfortable seeing my new beau everyday at work. I told him that I had been miserable for so long after the break up with my ex...I told him I have been in therapy for over a year after what my ex put me through...I told my friend I was finally ready to open myself up to someone again. His response? That we can no longer be friends. I spent last night crying my eyes out. I don't have much family, and my best friend has been a huge part of my life. But I'm going to be 26 this year and would like to find someone to build a stable relationship with. I can only assume that ANYONE I date would strike a nerve with my friend. Am I to blame? I did nothing to be intentionally malicious.

Oh, BTW, my friend is now totally "cool" with me. He told me that he only said he didn't want to continue the friendship because of how "rude" I was when I made my "decision." Come on. He told me that my dating made him uncomfortable. Grow up.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Your guy friend doesn't sound like a very good friend.

    You've been through hell and back. You found a little happiness in life with a new man. You tell your friend all this good news.

    But how does your "friend" respond? With happiness for you? With congratulations that you've turned a corner?

    No, he gives you selfishness and breaks off the friendship.

    He's proved what kind of friend he is. Forget him. Think back on what you've learned from your therapy sessions, and figure out if you missed any cues or overlooked any hints about what your "friend" really wanted.

    Be happy you've found a promising new relationship.

    Good luck!

    • Thank you :) But I just royally f**ked up. I was so upset about the whole thing that I told the guy I needed space to clear my head. I know, it was stupid. Anyhow, I picked a s**t day to do it (V-Day), and immediately regretted it (my mother called me an idiot when she learned of what I did), and tried talking to him. He told me I was too wishy-washy with the situtation, and having been hurt in the past, decided to stay neutral with me.

      I haven't really talked to him since. I'm an ass

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • You are most defianelty not wrong. Your friend must still have feelings for you and his way of dealing with the fact of you moving on is to be mean to you and your new bf. I would say before you do anything drastic like take him out of your life for good since you have been friends for awhile is to talk to him alone. Explain to him again why you like this guy and how he makes you feel and hopefully he will respond to you by talking with you on why he's acting this way. Also tell him how he's making you feel and how he mean a lot to you just not in that way. If he doesn't respond to this in a friendly way then you need to choose what going to make you happy and what's best for you not him.

    also maybe he might know something about this guy since he works with him talk to him about your new guy and ask what's his problem with him.

    • Well the new guy backed off since this all happened...I tried talking to my friend and he was initially rude to me, being wayyyyy too defensive. I told him that he brought this up and that he pretty much ruined it for the guy and me and that either he drop the attitude or we were not going to be friends. He apologized. He had me so upset that I took a break from the situation and wound up losing the guy. But if the guy was that into me he may have stuck around anyways, ya know? :)

    • Very true. I'm glad you patched things up with your friend.

  • You did nothing wrong. Your friend is the one being malicious, acting like you growing and healing and trying to form a healthy relationship is a BAD thing. It's not! Good for you! Your friend sounds like he has an obsession with you and it actually sounds like a good idea to distance yourself from him. He sounds unhealthy. Don't worrie about not having him as a friend anymore, he doesn't sound like he's your friend anyways.

    • See, I get so upset though because him and I were inseperable for years. But he is too dependent on me needing his friendship. We had a huge talk and I told him either he stop meddling in my life or we can't talk anymore. He got the guy all upset and now the guy and I don't talk. You would think my friend would be happy I'm not still chasing my idiot ex, just asking for heartache and more emo. abuse. Yeah. Some friend. Ty, though :)