Have a boyfriend but thinking about another guy. What should I do?


I am sending this message because I am really stuck in my current situation,

I tried to find a solution by myself, but didn't get anything.

I am sorry to disturb you with this well-known and common problem but I

really need help from another point-of-view than mine and

I hope that someone could help me.

So here is my story:

I am 23 and I have been with my boyfriend now for almost 6 years.

He is my first love, he loves me and I really care about him.

Meet another guy never even crossed my mind until 3 months ago, with a

guy from my University.

Right now, my boyfriend works in my hometown, me and this guy are in the

last year of the University.

We are both doing an internship, me in an other country, and him in an

other city. So we cannot meet easily.

Before I leave my hometown, we've seen each other for a week, during

this time he

didn't know that I had a boyfriend.

We liked each others, this week was emotionally intense.

The day I left, I wanted to be fair and told him about my current


He was very hurt and he decided to drop the idea to be with me. It was fair.

But I couldn't stop thinking about him, I had a crush on him and

everyday I saw him before I left, were magic days, I had a spark with him.

After some time, I told him I wanted him to come visit me, but he didn't

want because of this complicated situation (distance, current relationship).

I was so hurt: because he didn't want to try anything, and because I betrayed my boyfriend.

Some days after, this guy told me something.

He told me that he tried to forget me, he thought that he could. But he


He revealed me his true feeling. First, I was very embarrassed but deep inside, I was very enjoyed.

He wanted me to see him once again.

Before the revelation of this guy, I told my boyfriend about my betrayal

(I am not the kind of girl that can keep secret),

and I have never seen him in such a bad mood ever in my life. And he forgave me.

Since this moment, I wasn't sure about my feelings.

I meet this guy once again, in my hometown. Crush on him, again. Problem:

he knew that it was a risk for me to see him this day, but he didn't do

anything significant. We just spent time together normally, and felt

fine. I could spend time like this with him at infinity.

Back to home, I was disappointed because I felt this relation very

complicated and also, because nothing special happened this day.

I told my boyfriend about this meeting. I wanted to break with him, but

it was impossible. I take care of him and don't want to see him bad.

I take the decision to stop talking to this guy.

And it was just impossible, I always think about him.

The current situation? He always has the same feeling for me. I think I

have the same too.

Is it worth to break with my boyfriend for him?

What questions do I have to ask to myself to help me taking a decision?

Thanks by advance.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • 7 year itch... boyfriend away and long distance... temptation appears.

    I would think that your emotions for the new guy, are not real. They are a symptom of your boredom with your boyfriend, and his absence.

    I would say, don't break up with your boyfriend, but have an affair.

    Only don't get sidetracked into thinking it's anything real.


What Girls Said 1

  • You can -always- find someone else to be attracted to, the question is do you know him well enough that you won't stop being attracted to him after knowing his quirks and flaws? For example, everyone liked my ex best friend because she seem pure, innocent, naive, and kindhearted. Yet they soon learned her morals are hypocritical and filled with self interest. My ex's I dated dumped me because they wanted someone else or think we didn't get along well enough, like my ex best friend said I was selfish (we dated once). Yet the all wanted me back after dumping me or realizing that I was better than the person they were with.

    Another case can be a relationship could be wonderful -until- another person comes into the picture, you get married, or you start living together. Anything can set you to dislike or even hate anyone you love, there's no way to know. All love requires risk and work.

    These are the question you can ask yourself:

    *Does he accepts your flaws and helps you in ways to become a better person? (For both boys and compare between both of them)

    *Are you happy because he's a "new relationship" which causes that special honeymoon spark?

    *Do you love your current boyfriend because of the memories and the memories to be, or because you are obligated to stay just because the security he won't leave you?

    *Do you just need to talk to your current boyfriend to spice up your relationship again?

    *Are the feelings just stagnant only because you are so comfortable of your boyfriend and not because he let you down?

    *Is it only because the new guy has more interactions with you physically/visually, have more of a common interest to share with (you were at the same school to relate to), and have an immediate gratification compared to you boyfriend?

    *Is the new guy only hyping up your infatuation because he returns the feelings to you? (Flattery)

    I recently had this issue and openly discussed it with my fiance because I was attracted to his friend. Almost unbelievably lucky he was understanding and explained to me that it was natural. EVERYONE likes his friend and it's nothing new that girls would be attracted to him. Also there are other girls he seen that are attractive but he doesn't even look at them because he has me. I questioned about his calmness and he replied, "Because I trust and know you wouldn't trade me out." I asked what would happen hypothetically if I dated him, and he answered, "I would sit down and talk to you, questioning how it came to be and why you needed to do that."

    That's how I know mine is a keeper. I doubt that you can ask the same question as I did. I personally would be devastated. Incorporate your own questions to work out with your boyfriend and get rid of insecurities and roadblocks first. You can only choose who you want to be and if you absolutely believe you cannot live apart from one of the guys.

    I also have an example for what could happen if you choose the new guy as well if you want to know.

    • @Kittie: About the questions I can ask myself. I don't know what should be the conclusion.

      1/ I cannot know, I don't really know him.

      2/ Yes.

      3/ Because of the great memories, the ones to be and the secure relationship.

      4/ I tend to be honest and reveal everything to him.

      5 I know that I could have common interests with him even if I already share a lot with my current boyfriend.

      6/ Feel secure and get used to him. I feel nothing new to discover from him.

      7/ Yes.

      Ok for the example.


    • Show All
    • "The Loyal Girlfriend" badge. You may have to even cut off the ties with him completely. Or take your chances of finding the one you meant to be with and gain "I Fought for my Life and Love" badge. Both badges however has consequences. You may never forget this guy if you hold onto the "what ifs" after choosing to be loyal. You may regret being with the new guy and can't go back to your boyfriend. Either because he can't forgive you, you can't forgive yourself, or the feelings will never be the

    • same. I felt the third feeling with my first ex. I once talked to him months later after my fiance broke up with me at the time (I didn't know I was clinically depressed so he thought he made me unhappy and let me go back to my ex/life), but despite the love I still had for him, I couldn't be intimate in any way with him anymore. The ship had sailed.

      This is the only wisdom I can offer this to you, I wish you good luck.