Hasn't called in 3 days, should I call him?!

A close friend (which happens to be my crush), we used to contact each other a several times daily.. 4 days ago I called to check up on him and we had too much talking, but he hasn't called ever since although knowing I wasn't feeling so well..

Do you think I should call or wait for him to call first?


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What Girls Said 1

  • NO. If he hasn't called, he is giving you a clear message that he is (1) not interested and (2) has better things to do.

    I have three comparative examples:

    (1) A guy who is genuinely busy -- I know him well enough that his schedule is well known to me, and very hectic. He calls when he can. Every so often I have to nudge him out of his "absentminded professor" habits, then he calls on his own for the next few months. He is INTERESTED, but actually busy/preoccupied by things in life and work. He is always friendly and helpful (despite his schedule) to show his sustained interest.

    (2) A guy who is anxious about work, rushing to finish a 14-week project, hits on me, keeps hounding for my number, but once he has it doesn't call for months. I don't know him well enough to know his schedule (like 1). He friends me on FB; a few months later he shuts down his FB. He looks me up on another network, and figures out how to reach me at the office. Hounds me to explain that he wants to go out but has to grapple with a bunch of things at work, promising to have coffee with me soon. We finally meet up and he's great, but it's clear from his convo that work is stressful and he's struggling to hang in there. He's "earmarking" me for dates in the summer, when his project is completed. He is INTERESTED, but too caught up with his own drama that he knows to explain (apologetically) that he's not ready now, but plans to give me a ton of attention after he meets his deadline.

    (3) A guy who always wants to be "spontaneous" and doesn't actually ask me out until he's standing right in front of me (for a date that moment). He's odd about providing his contact information but wants all of mine. He wants to ask me a ton of questions but doesn't answer any of mine. He expects the girl to initiate all the calls and texts, begging off as being either "too busy" ore "too tired after a long day," presuming that the girl has just been waiting in the rafters for him to be free. His idea of a long-term plans is mapping the path from where we are standing to wherever his apartment/bedroom happen to be. He's got a one-track mind. This guy is not INTERESTED in me, but wants an F-buddy. He is to be ignored and avoided at all cost unless we happen to be at a public function with friends, in which case basic cordiality is required.

    In your case, you know the guy, so you are aware of his schedule. You can accurately judge how busy, etc. he actually gets. He should be a little more like (1) -- attentive but genuinely busy. I would only recommend initiating if you know for a fact that he has been extremely occupied and tends to get absentminded about his social obligations to you.

    If he knows you're ill, he should be checking up on you...