Torn between two guys?

I've been dating a guy for nearly a year now. He's about 6/7years older than me, but it's never really been a problem. I trust him completely, and I thought I loved him. But recently we've stagnated. About 3months ago, we started arguing all the time. We'd never go out on dates, never do really anything apart from sitting in front of a TV. When he comes round, as he is a family friend, I feel like he doesn't appreciate me, it's as if all he cares about is drinking and having fun. My house is mad at the best of times, and I would love to just sit upstairs and chill out with him.. But every time I suggest it, he spends the whole time asking to go downstairs, when we then argue, and I cry. It really sucks. I'm miserable and have been for so long. I feel like he's used me, and he's selfish, because we never do anything together. I've told him this time and time again, and he promises that he'd try but he hasn't. The situation got worse a couple of days ago. We were arguing as usual, but we'd apparently cleared things up, and we were okay. But then, the next week after that, I haven't heard a single word from him. At all. Not even a hello, or anything. It's really really upsetting, and I don't know what to do.

On the other hand. I've been getting to know this other guy, not on purpose, just as a friend at first, but I found myself thinking about him all the time. It's crazy. It's like the whole, sort of little girl crush at the moment I suppose. I find myself going red and giggling when someone mentions him, or he talks to me. He understands that I'm with somebody else, but he still confessed to liking me. We spend every night talking to each other until a ridiculous time in the morning like at least 2am, once or twice it's been 5am. I have never had this with my boyfriend, and it sucks, all I want to do is to be happy. and I'm happy talking to the other guy. I really am. but I'm scared that nothing good will come out of it and that if I end up breaking up with my boyfriend I'm just going to be depressed. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't dump my boyfriend just to be able to date the other guy. I don't want to do that. But the fact I'm so unhappy at the moment is getting me more down. I care about him so much, it would break my heart to hurt him. but I also am really enjoy getting to know this other guy, he appreciates me, and he makes the time to talk to me, we have so much in common and have the same sort of thought processes, I really don't know what to do. help?


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  • Honestly, if your boyfriend is treating you like that, is making you feel like that, arguing that much, and isn't putting in the effort anymore even after you talked to him, It's better to leave now before it gets worse. I was in your shoes before and I stayed and stayed trying to make it work and all it resulted in was me becoming so needy and dependent on him trying to please him every moment that not only did I lose myself (and my self respect) but he ended up breaking up with my anyways later on (when I was even more attached).

    If this new guy is as a great as you say he is, and you click that well. Explain to him that you want to keep talking (as he will most likely be a big help in you get over your now ex) and take things slow. If he is really as great a guy as he seems and is truly interested in you, he will understand.

    That was something I never understood before. I always thought there was chasing on both ends (and there is) but if a guy is TRULY interested in you. He will move heaven and earth to be with you (instead of doing half-@$$ed attempts) and will wait as long as it takes as long as you give him hope that there is a future for the two of you and you want to be with him someday. Just be sure you aren't using him and that is a step in the direction you want to go.

    Either way, I would say break up with your current boyfriend. He doesn't seem to respect you that much.