Please help me figure out my life! Come one, come all...

Boiled down version:

Girl meets guy. Guy doesn't have chance to get girl's phone number at initial meeting (literally a 'hi' and 'bye' conversation). Guy adds girl on Facebook. Messages are exchanged periodically. Guy attempts to get mutual friend to set up another meeting so he can finally have an opportunity to ask girl for her phone number in person, because girl is hesitant about these things and needs an actual real face-to-face conversation first before feeling comfortable giving out said number. Mutual friend is flaky and girl and guy have not met up since initial encounter, one month later. Guy is wrapped around girl's finger and obviously interested. Girl is unsure about how physically attracted to guy she is and feels guilty because she's potentially been stringing him along unintentionally for several weeks. Girl just wanted to give guy a chance, one date to see where things went, but because girl refused to agree to a date before even exchanging numbers, which she refused without a face-to-face conversation, she's now stuck one month in and unsure of how best to proceed.

Bottom line: This girl enjoys the conversation between her and this guy, but is starting to feel really afraid that she's losing an easy way out of this situation...she still wants to give the guy a chance, but in the meantime, his feelings are growing and hers are just becoming more unsure...


Do I keep pursuing this or what?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Some advice: why not set something up where the both of you can meet in a social atmosphere like a party or at a bar. Somewhere that both your friends will be around/be with you?

    You could always try out one date before your write this off. I personally don't like meeting people on FB and then going straight to a date either, but if I was interested and the person seemed like someone interesting id give it a shot.


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What Guys Said 5

  • okay stop orbiting the situation and just meet the guy, you've been talking for a month I think you can go for coffee and be alright, no numbers just a time and place. its not a first date, its an opening for him to get your number if things turn out well. if you don't want this to go further than it already has then you need to tell him, ie the friend zone comment (that really feels like it should have a "Dun-Dun-Da" sound in front of it).

  • Have the date with him! Then, you can end it say there was no attraction, or it can finally progress.

    • I'm just afraid that going along with this and agreeing to a date and then turning around and saying, "Sorry, I'm just not physically attracted to you," is heartless and cruel, especially after he's paid for whatever it is we do and put in a whole month's worth of effort, which I've reciprocated and on some occasions even encouraged. I feel like a tease and a game-player. He's wrapped around my finger and I am very aware of that, and the very last thing I want to do is abuse that power.

    • Show All
    • No, mentally I am attracted to him. Our conversation flows easily and has grown to be a little playful and flirty-- witty banter back and forth, etc. Intellectually I need that kind of stimulation and I am attracted to that kind of mental match, but I'm just not sure if the physical side is there. I want to find out, but in the meantime I'm not going to dial down my personality to that of a robot. Does that make sense? I understand where you're coming from--my main fear here is that I WILL...

    • ...continue to do those things when I know full-out that I am not interested.

  • Either go on that date this week or stop live FBing, chatting, emailing, texting, twittering and whatever else you are doing to sustain said lads interest until you bump into each other in the flesh again

    • I really liked this when I first read it, but the more I think about, I just can't see how this will improve the situation. If I break off contact with him without explanation, he's going to think I'm ignoring him and become offended. If I tell him I'd like to stop communicating via FB until we see each other in person, he'll think I'm playing hard-to-get probably more than he already does (not giving him my #, not agreeing to a date before he has it, etc.). It'll drive him insane, and at this

    • this point, I think it would only intensify his feelings more, which I don't want to do.

  • "I'm not interested in you in a relationship type of way, I see you more as a friend".

    ^End game.

  • Sure, pursue it and see where it goes. What's the point to life if it's full of "what if's"


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