How do you let a guy know that you will not be his 2nd option?

Yes I have tried ignoring his texts but he eventually texts again. We have been texting for a while and he will not as me out on a date, I have a big feeling that another girl has 80% of his attention. He keeps saying he is busy and will ask me out this month, when his spring classes in college end (he also works full time).

I have a feeling I am not his main girl because I have seen maybe about 3 comments in Facebook that he is a bit flirty with another girl.

Now I want to let him know that if he is not interested to stop texting me, but when I ask him if he is interested he always says he is, and for the most part he texts me.

What can I do for him to not look for me if he is playing me? The ignoring the texts will just make him keep texting and that confuses me more.

Ps. I told him one time that I was through playing games and that I just felt that he is sweet talking not only me but other girls. He got upset and told me that he was not even like that. He began txting me less because of this.

I knew him from high school but have not seen him for 3yrs. He is a kind of shy guy and mysterious.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I've been treated like this before and it's disrespectful.

    If you're really interested in him just ask him straight whether he's hedging his bets using you.

    If he answers yes or gives a vague reply then ditch him and demand that he leaves you alone.

    Be direct and show him you value yourself.

    • Thank you, well here is the thing, I ask if he is interested, he says he is 100%, then I ask why is he taking his time and he replies that school and work keep him busy, but that he will take me out this upcoming month. Does that seem honest? people keep telling me that he is not interested, and some say that he might really be busy and is texting me so I won't disappear and wait for him to have time.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • When you ignore his texts, actually *ignore* his texts. Doesn't matter if he keeps texting you, what does that have anything to do with it?

    Good for you for not wanting to be 2nd option but you gotta actually stick to not replying.

    • So not replying will really let him know that I'm distancing myself for a reason?

    • I only said that because you said you tried ignoring him but he kept texting, so I assume you mean that you eventually text him back. So yes, if you want to let him know that you're distancing yourself, you have to not reply to him.

      I don't think you should be waiting around for anyone, him saying he's gonna ask you out in a month isn't cool, so this is why I offer this advice.

    • well he said in a month because I left for vacations for a month jajaja. He said when I get back, and the weird thing is that he would always mention taking me out in the summer, that is when he gets out of school and has less work. But you are right, until he does not make any moves other than texts I will not give him what he wants, I will not text (well I can't really text from where I am at) but he can contact me on Facebook and he hasn't so that says a lot to me.

What Girls Said 3

  • who is this guy, Lord Voltron? Is he that all mighty and powerful that you HAVE to text him or else... or else, what? Did you know there is a feature on your phone or service that your provider offers where you can actually block someone's number? its great, because then you never get any texts or phone calls from them. the truth is, you want this guy so much, you are willing to let him call the shots in this whole non-thing. you don't want to be the one to make the decision to move on, because you are holding out false hope. One day he'll see the light, right? You are not confused. You don't want to do what you know you should, and you don't want to see what is right in front of your eyes. Although, I'll tell you this much I've learned--no matter how much you want something or how long you wait, if its not real, it just never materializes.

    • Thanks, yea I know, I guess sometimes we want what we can't have or what is hard to achieve. But it is not worth the pain and wait. I just got to keep that in mind.

  • Be firm and tell him. Don't play the game he is playing. Stand your ground. No one deserves to be a "second option"

    • How would you tell a guy, because I told him, "I hope I am not a side girl because that would be devastating, all these months for texting and flirting and to put it to waste would suck" and he just says, "trust me il show you".

      One time I went off on him saying that I'm through playing games, that I just know he is doing the same to other girls and not just me, and he got upset, he said that he can't believe I would say that, that he is not like that. BUt how will we ever know a guy is lying

    • or being honest =\

  • Straight up tell him look I'm not no ones second choice I'm your first pick or see ya...! I seen you hve been flirting with a girl on Facebook, which makes me uneasy because your leading me on..! Don't make me fall if your not willing to catch me..! Be straight up and straight to the point don't chicken out because he is pretty much just playing a head game with yu..! yu dnt need tht because I bet there are mny nice guys tht would love your attention..! Don't waist your time on an a**hole that don't care...!

    • jajaja you sound like a friend of mine XD Thank you, except I'm not willing to say I see you flirting with a girl on Facebook, that might freak him out. but yea I do want to let him know that if he is not interested to not text me anymore because it is a waste of his time and more of mine

    • Show All
    • thanx, I guess he already did hurt me by giving me false hope or making me wait. So nothing can get any worse

    • im jst glad yu found out now thn in the long run