Have you talked to a guy who was emotionally unavailable? can anyone relate? please please help me..:/

i have talked to a guy for four months. we hit it off. it was great and I was so happy to find him. he would call text and want to hang out.

we had a talk in which he revealed a lot. basically he did not want a girlfriend. he did not want to emotionally invest in a relationship. he said "dont get attached." but I thought, that is impossible. he had been hurt by a girl and I guess was not open to love any more. I don't know how he saw me but I thought if we spent time together, he would change his mind.

it went great for a while but last week it got weird. today I asked him why he was being distant and he said he did not want to lead me on. we were both beginning to get comfortable..or I thought. I guess he realized I was getting attached when I would want to see him and when I'd bring up romance. basically, he thought I was getting attached and he told he how we are just talking and living in the moment. I was so hurt because I honestly thought he would change his mind about us. I lied and said I was not though..i did not want to look like a fool.

i don't know how anyone could close off being attached to someone when they talk to each other every day. I don't know why he could not be open to finding love again. I wish he would give it a chance but he won't. he is a great person but that one girl made him change his views on love. now I feel like I need to move on because I am wastin my time. I feel like timing was wrong. idk..

please anyone, have you been in my shoes? I really need to know if I should give up all hope


Most Helpful Girl

  • Im in the same position. My ex and I were together for 9 intense, serious deep months. He is 25 and I'm 22 and we've never had a connection with anyone like this before. He broke up with me and came back 7 months later stating it was a mistake and he missed me.

    In the past 4 months I have been getting mixed signals. He tells me he isn't ready for a relationship because the break up was to painful but yet says that he came back because he missed me, breaking up with me was a mistake, that he doesn't get attached easily to people (he is VERY VERY independent/loner) but its different with me. Once he saw me dancing with a guy and we didn't hang out for a month and told me if he gave me his heart not I do anything to take it back.

    He is very CONFUSING and I can't take it anymore. He wants me but doesn't want to be WITH me and doesn't want anyone else to have me.

    I am thinking it is best to walk away for now. I have put in my time, I have been patient but I can't do this forever.

    YOU can't do this forever. It has been months and his mind is still the same. Sometimes men need time to think about what they want and the risks they are willing to take. Right now he has everything that he wants, he knows you are there, you are making yourself available to him so why would he want more when he has it now.

    He needs something to motivate him, only he can change his view. I need to talk to kevin as you need to talk to this guy.

    You have put in your time, you have been open, now its his turn. You need to say that you understand his position and that you respect his decision but it is HIS decision not YOUR decision. Tell him calmly what you would like and why. Than leave it in his course. It take's a while to open up about love, and sometimes a little motivation is needed.

    • i agree. he has been very sweet with me and all that. always caring..yet did not want to be with me. the more I stay with him, the more he knows he has me..yet I am so scared to say goodbye. I don't want it to be over because he is such a great guy..i just wish he was ready for me. I know if he sees that I am not respecting myself, he won't respect me either. because the truth is I feel used at times and I need to stand up for myself. I know I need to say goodbye in order for him to see what I was

    • for him. I want to say something like "i really liked you and honestly, I was hoping you would change your mind about me. I tried to live in the moment but it has been getting hard for me. I'm here for you if you need me but I feel like we should just be friends because I am just hurting myself. I know you warned me and this is my fault. something like that. I hope you have the strength. I feel so weak at times I don't know if I can do it. I miss him even after a day so I don't know how I can say goodbye..

    • we have been friends for a while..well I have known him. I gave it a chance because I thought it was fate as silly as it sounds. our story is kinda cute. anyways..i have talked to him today and I realized that me trying was worthless. he was nice and all that but I guess he wanted someone there..not the way I wanted him. I really hope he misses me and realizes how much I meant to him. id rather say goodbye then allow him to see me not respecting myself..he would never consider me if I do that.

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What Girls Said 5

  • Yes! It's time to move on. I can't understand why women always think that they will be able to change a guys mind...especially after he gave you all of the warning signs...he told you...Don't Get Attached. He couldn't be any clearer! So you decide to ignore everything he said and now you're broken hearted.

    The lesson here: Is listen to people when they something the first time. They usually mean it.

    You deserve someone who is willing to put the same amount of emotional investment as you are. Don't sell yourself short by falling in love with someone that won't love you back. In the end, you will always end up suffering. Sorry love. It's to move on.

  • I think it is best to actually let him now that you thought he would change views about a relationship and that you are going to walk away from this since you don't want to get hurt anymore, see his reaction...I think that is how you will know if he hesitates on the thought of losing you. Good Luck

    ps. Don't get your hopes up thought, keep your guard up.

    • thanks hun. as much as it hurts, I think this is what I will do. I already wrote it down and all that. just waiting for the right moment to say it.

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    • thank you <3 you are so sweet for being there for a complete stranger <3 I appreciate it a lot

    • no problem :) I enjoy helping people in any way I can.

  • So what happened with this guy? And have YOU been the one initiating all the hanging out, contact, talking and texting? Or does he try to continue the friendship with you?

    I am in an extremely similar situation and I don't know what to do. :(

  • I think its time to move on. You don't wanna be wasting your time on someone who doesn't want the same things you do.

  • are you in socal by any chance? lol just wondering if I know this guy