Do guys have to initiate in online dating too?

Something I was just thinking about. Do the girls sift through messages they get or do they look through profiles and send messages first sometimes? We're generalizing here, so no need to put "some do and some don't." I think that is pretty obvious. If anyone has any experience with online dating, that would be great.


Most Helpful Girl

  • No way! I'm all about initiating even on dating sites and actually the guys I got along with best I initiated.

    Most girls on dating sites get at least 10 messages a day even in smaller cities and up to or over 100 the first weeks they join until they become a regular. New toy syndrome

    But you have to realize that out of the 10-

    lets say 5 she thinks are cute-

    3 only said hi in the message- what's she suppose to respond to that, he didn't bother to think of anything to say besides hi?

    1 she she read the profile and it wasn't a fit

    1 she talked to but they never even met up(you'd be surprised how often this happens)

    So she's back down to 0

    Most girls on dating sites are pretty open and willing to message guys- because after a few weeks all of them realize this cycle.

    I don't mean to be harsh but maybe your profile sucks, or maybe you just aren't the type that these girls who have caught your eye wants. I don't know. But most people are on there to date, the stigma is gone. It's no longer just for hook-ups, that's pretty rare actually. Most people will message, wink, flirt, whatever to someone they fancy because why the hell not it's only over the Internet. If you aren't getting messages- don't blame the women, instead figureout why

    • Your profile* hypothetically ;)

    • Show All
    • Oh, okay. But, what's the incentive to initiate if they are getting plenty of messages?

    • Why not, if you see someone you like message them! I'm not one to sit and wait and hope for things to come my way. What if for some reason they didn't see you or thought you were out of their league. So I take matters into my own hand

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What Girls Said 2

  • I have an OKCUPID and ZOOSK, I initiate too. I get a ridiculous amount of messages. Twincapersred has it right on that.

    • But why initiate if you're getting messages from plenty of people to choose from?

    • Cause the people that message me, may not interest me. Or maybe I message a guy before he has a chance to message me first. It's whatever. Why not message guys first? I like making first contact, cause then I know I am interested already.

  • honestly, I can't understand why guys are so uptight about initiating first. girls generally don't do it bcs as much as guys say they like it, they don't. Initiating is the easiest thing. I'd be one baddass. but then I guess it depends on the personality and how much confidence you have in yourself. but to answer your question, most do... but I've heard of it done by girls too. so buck up, you coy wallflower!

    • Really? I've never heard a guy complain about it. Though, I haven't actually seen a woman actually approach either. I think women take this for granted. Most are completely afraid of it for the same reasons some guys don't like doing it. It would be fair, but that's neither here nor there.

      I'm not on any online dating sites. I was just curious if it was the same there as it is elsewhere since you're first talking behind a computer screen. It's not as much pressure.

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    • lol It IS a cop out. Most guys aren't going to care that much. Women have been throwing gender roles to the side for quite some time now. Why not this one? Perhaps it is because this one benefits them. They expect men to stick to their gender role, though. You're right! Critical thinking is fun!

    • no, that's called reading into things--not critical thinking. but you're married to this idea, so I don't want to break up a happy family. enjoy.

What Guys Said 5

  • One thing I have learned from online dating (being a member of POF) That when women say, "dont just write one word messages, write me something that proves you read my profile"

    What they really mean is that unless you look like a f***ing super model, no amount of reading their profile and writing a detailed response based upon it, exactly as they have asked for, doesn't mean a damn thing.

  • pretty much yes

  • Unfortunately.

  • most girls are old-fashioned everywhere, so yes, it sucks but oh well

  • yup, unfortuneately