How should I respond to her standoffish text after having a great time at lunch?

I've had a crush on this girl for a while, but never had the nerve to ask her out beyond lunch. (we're both young professionals working in downtown, so it's easier to be casual.)

Lately, my confidence has grown, so I finally have enough nerve to do something about it. We had lunch a few days ago and the conversation was great! I made her laugh yada yada yada. It was overall a fun, positive lunch.

So my plan is in place. I waited 2 days and then texted her saying: Hi! How are you doing? Had lunch with a coworker at the place you recommended. It wad great.

Took her a couple of hours to respond with: Good...glad you liked.

Then I waited a couple of hours and said: We should meet up and hang out after work at____.

She responded this morning: Hi...thanks for the invite, but I already have a commitment.

Advice for my next move? I really like her and want to get to the next level, but I think she may think I'm a bit of a square, which I'm not...

Not interested in games. I just want to make sure I go about this the right way.
I responded to her later that night with: Oops, forgot to respond. Busy day! Had fun tonight. We should still get together after work or over the weekend soon.

It was a busy day at work & I didn't have time to respond after seeing it. I ended up going to the bar after work for a few beers with co-workers anyways. Then when I got home I remembered the text. I proceeded with the response.

I'm confident if I can get the opportunity, she'll realize we have a lot in common & her interests will grow.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Just ask her when she is avaliable again and if she says she doesn't know and keeps saying it then she's probs not interested, do you know if she even has a boyfriend already?.

    • No boyfriend.

    • Then just ask, you can never find out when she's avaliable if you don't really ask, and if she does like you and you don't really try hard enough she will lose interest.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • Oh nooooo! I think you've been FRIEND ZONED! A pretty bad place to be if you're trying to make a move. Once you've been Friended, there's no getting out. She doesn't see you like that.

    If you still want to make a go at it, you have to completely change your tactics. If you approach her now, you will squander whatever chance you have left and getting her to consider you "Datable" again.

    I suggest you retreat. I don't believe in playing games, but you have to be smart and reprogram the way she sees you. I suggest you start having lunch with another girl, specifically a mutual friend and don't invite her. Next time ask someone else (doesn't matter who) in front of her and don't ask her then. The intent is to get her to wonder why you're not asking her out to lunch anymore, but she'll never know.

    Several things may happen.

    1) She may ask you to lunch next. Which at this time you should decline and say you have plans with someone else, but tell her that you can tomorrow, or whenever. You have to become unavailable. Unavailability is attractive. Look at how it made you feel when she did it to you.

    2) She might ask you straight up, why you're not asking her to lunch anymore, to which you act completely clueless. Really? I'm sorry. We can go... ect.

    3) Or she may get confused, bottle up and get upset, perhaps stop talking to you. Which still gives you a better chance than if she sees you as a friend. In this scenario, the confusion will keep you on the top of her brain.

    Once you've reset the power, you need to stop being friendly and start being flirtatious. Careful not to get creepy. Compliment her. Make her feel special. Talk about your dates, make them up if you have to. She has to see you as a man and no longer as a friend.

    I say put your plans on hold for at least a month...maybe two. And then try again.

    Good luck!

  • Don't be a chicken ask her out rightly for a dinner date. No hanging out just ask for the date. She probably Just has a commitment. The longer you wait the less interested she will be women can tell when men aren't stepping up. We want a man with at least a little self confidence and "balls". So just do it what's the worst she can say? No. And that's not so bad . Good luck you can do it.

  • Suggestion "no problem, let me know if you want to get lunch again or hang out sometime." the ball is in her court. If she doesn't take it then I guess it's probably best to move on.


What Guys Said 2

  • "I have a commitment"? Please.

    It's obvious that she doesn't see you as boyfriend material otherwise she probably would suggested another date/time and say she's "very sorry" since she has something "important to take care of".

    Don't waste your time. Move on.

  • Don't be negative at all. Send her another text that says OK well text me back to decide when and where you want to go out again. Had fun the other day. Talk to you soon. Then wait for her to respond. If she doesn't then move on.