Feel like I am going to be single forever?

I was 31 last week and have only ever had one boyfriend. I am smart, attractive, well traveled & have everything going for me. I honestly don't understand why I can't find a man.

Men are attracted to me, but it seems to just be sex. A guy will be happy to come home with me week after week but won't ask me on a date. I don't always do that, I have tried not giving them what they want but I still don't get a date.

Any advice?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I have the same problem. When I was in my early 30s and actually got asked out I unfortunately gave "it" up too soon and of course they took off not long afterward. So, I learned not to have sex quickly, but now I don't get asked out at all. The whole "smart" thing I think is really intimidating to the majority of men out there. Plus, adding independent to the mix (which it sounds like you are) also makes them feel like they're not needed. So many have a "I wanna save the damsel in distress" mentality because solve problems is the only thing they know how to do. But I imagine there's gotta be a guy out there somewhere who is secure enough in himself that intelligence doesn't send him running, and also doesn't have a desire to save someone.

    • I have had a couple of guys tell me that they are intimidated by my looks, but there are plenty of attractive people out there that find partners! And yes, I am very independent. But needy is also off-putting, right? I don't even know how to NOT be (appear to be) independent. I know I am scared of rejection so maybe the guys I hook up with assume I'm not that keen? Also, as for holding back sex, if a guy is really keen they will be keen whether or not you've slept with them, surely.

    • Show All
    • I'm against waiting until marriage. I think sexual compatibility is a very important part of a relationship. I had a very good guy friend and we got on so so well. We were both very attracted to each other physically & intellectually, and one day we decided that the chemistry was too obvious to ignore. The sex was a disaster. We kept trying for a while but we were just totally sexually incompatible. However waiting a few dates might work...

    • I'm the same way about not waiting for marriage. Never buy a shoe w/o trying it on first. But a point the pastor made that stuck in my brain was, "Make him earn it!" I had never thought of it like that but it makes perfect sense. So, you have to get the guy to commit his heart to you before you give him a pass to the happy place. And after watching a 26yo virgin not give it up for 9 MONTHS to a 42yo guy who in turn fell in love w /her - I see that it works. I admit, 9mos is a bit much tho.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Not enough info. Could be anything from your behavior or the vibes you give off or attitude or just because you go to places where you meet that kind of person.

    • I guess the only place I ever really go where I can meet guys is the local pub. Perhaps not ideal, but I know plenty of people that have met their partners there.

      I do have a bit of a grumpy looking face (in my opinion!), perhaps guys just see me and think I am miserable!

      Maybe I am beginning to give of desperate vibes!

    • You can smile, make eye contact and make yourself approachable, but when you meet a guy, go into the relationship a little more slowly.

  • Are you sure you're smart and attractive, or do you just think you are?

    • My honours degree in law is from one of the top 20 universities in the world.

      As for looks, everyone has different taste, but all of my life people have told me I am stunning (though I personally wouldn't go that far). My friends have say they would kill to look like me.

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    • That's good. I can't stand lawyers. So much for the degree.

      Anyway, my first few statements were a test. I was trying to be provocative and you answered maturely and levelheaded. You're datable.

      Most guys are dumb apes. Consider it their loss.

    • Well, I am glad I didn't take the bait, I can be quite argumentative (guess that's my legal background)! Sometimes (in between the usual female bouts of insecurity) it does baffle me a bit that these guys don't see what they're missing out on, especially when I see the kind of girls that do get a lot of dates.

What Girls Said 1

  • Check out gettheguy.co.uk the guy is a dating coach for women and honestly, he's pretty cool and VERY helpful. Checkout his blogs and if you think he's helpful do the online program.

    He'll change your perception of the dating game. Goodluck :)

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