I don't understand how to date.

I don't know how to express to a girl that I am interested in her, I generally just sort of hang around with her more often than I do with others. On the flip side, unless a girl is being deliberately obvious, I don't know any of the signals that indicate her possible interest.

An taking it one step farther, if I do manage to muster the courage, I have no idea how to ask someone out, especially when I don't want to go out with her, I just want to hang out. I do not understand the transition from friendship to relationship, since I've never been there, and have never seen it happen.

Even when I do focus on someone and muster up the courage to act, they invariably find someone else while I am still agonizing over it.

I'm beginning to feel very unloved and lonely, and it's really depressing me. I need help.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I know what you're feeling. It's tough.

    But here are some lessons I've learned over the years:

    -Women are hard to read. They rarely give you obvious hints and giant signs. So you have to look for smaller cues. For example, If she looks at you, looks away, then looks back. Of if you "catch" her looking, and she quickly looks away.

    -It can sting when a girl declines you for date. But remember that her declining you is not a rejection of you personally. It's about *her*. It doesn't mean you're a bad person, or that you're worthless. It means that *one girl* decided that you're not a good match for her right now. Don't blow it out of proportion. We're not all good matches for each other -- you're not interested in every girl you meet, are you?

    -A "no thanks" from a girl is *way better* than never asking her out and tearing yourself up with months of wondering "what if?"

    -Dating is a numbers game. You might have to ask out 3 or 4 girls to get 1 date. Then, you might have to date 5-10 girls to find 1 or 2 who are a good match. Remember: Each girl who says "no" is one girl closer to a good match for you. Each date that's a non-starter is gets your numbers up.

    -Most women are insecure about their looks. That cute girl you've been to scared to approach is probably worried that those pants make her butt look too big -- she's probably as insecure in her own way as you are in your way.

    -Talk to as many girls and women as possible. Old and young, pretty and plain, black and white. Make small talk. Compliment their haircut and earrings. Ask about their job. It's all good practice, and will build your confidence.

    Good luck!

    • This is hands-down one of the best reply posts I've read on here in a LONG time - to the original question poster, I urge you to listen to everything this man had to say. Because in my experience, each one of these things has been proven correct.

    • Show All
    • I concur.

    • Oh it was so interesting to read,very good advices!!!And I have to admit,you know a lot of things about women.I wish there was a woman who would explain me things about guys and men as you did about women lol.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • you should do things like be romantic and show her that side of you that she should get to know

    be nice to her, talk to her about things she likes

    definitely go for girls who are interested in you


What Guys Said 1

  • Hanging around is a good thing to improve the friendship and the comfort level. The thing is though, at first the girl might think you are interested and be waiting for you to ask her out. The longer you just hang around though then she may begin to think you are not that interested and consequently her interest level goes down or moves on--she has no reason to wait forever. One of the biggest things to spark the interest of another person is to let them know you are interested--if they weren't interested before they begin to consider the possibility, and if they were already kind of interested it gives them some confirmation and a reason to keep being interested.

    A good non-committal way to explore and increase the interest level of people you are interested in is to learn the art of flirting and dropping hints/pseudo invites that they can either respond to in kind or tactfully ignore or change the subject. Don't be afraid of rejection or non-reciprocation of interest, because not everybody is going to fall for you or be interested (you are not interested in every girl so you shouldn't expect every girl you are interested in to be interested in you), but that doesn't mean that nobody will--in fact a lot of people are usually on the fence about these kinds of things and could go either way depending how interested they think you are. Friendly touches on the arm, shoulder, etc. when talking or interacting can help too.

    Some possible things you could try saying,

    "Hanging out with you is a lot of fun. We should do this more often."

    "If you're up for it we should do something together sometime."

    "What do you have going on this weekend? Do you want to hang out or go do something?"

    "I know of the best (insert your favorite casual not-too-expensive restaurant). Do you want to try it sometime?" or, "I have been thinking about trying out (restaurant or your choice), have you ever been there?" **Response** "Do you want to come with me?"

    Best of luck!

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