Boyfriend text cheating and denied it?

I recently found a series of dirty texts between my boyfriend and another girl. In them, he told her what it would be like if they had sex, told her he likes to "go south" and that it "would be hot" if they did it, but that he wouldn't try to have sex with her because he was moving to California in a week. There was no mention of him having a girlfriend. When I confronted him about the texts last night, he denied it - said that she texts him on occasion to ask if he's working (he's a bartender) but that's it. He said that he'd been honest with me up until this point (he told me about the two women he slept with while we were broken up for a month) and that, because he's always been honest, I should trust him.

How can I trust him when I KNOW he's lying!? Should I confront him again and tell him I KNOW he's lying because I saw the messages on his phone? Even though I don't condone the lie, I can't help but think that maybe it WAS just a harmless flirtation and he's embarrassed about it, and my bringing it up will only a) show that I invaded his privacy by checking his phone and b) possibly mean the end of our relationship. I have to do something, because every time I'm not with him I have a knot in my stomach and suspect that he's cheating on me. I want to trust him, but I don't know if I should. Help!


Most Helpful Guy

  • "How can I trust him when I KNOW he's lying?"

    You can't trust a liar.

    It doesn't matter how badly you want to trust him. Same as it doesn't matter how much I want to date Marylin Monroe.

    What's the use of confronting him? Do you expect he'll fall at your feet, confess, and beg forgiveness?

    It doesn't work that way. He'll deny, dodge, rationalize, accuse and evade. You'll get a headache. He'll call you names.

    Dump him. It might hurt like hell. But if you can't trust him, the relationship's effectively finished.

    Dump him. Move on without him. It's over.



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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 3

  • Yes, confront him and tell him he has one more chance to fess up or it's over. If he continues with his lies, tell him you know he's lying because you saw the texts. Then break up with him. Trust me, no man is better than a lying man. The lies never stop.

  • you don't trust him as it is and he's a liar, cut him loose and move on.

  • Can I just ask why you were going through his phone in any case? You clearly don't trust him. You get a knot in your stomach every time you're not around him so why put yourself through this. I get the impression that regardless of what he tells you, you just won't believe him! PLUS I wouldn't call texts about it being hot if they had sex mere flirtation. Flirting tends to be coy, not full of comments on "going south." Classy...

    If I were you I'd leave him to his "harmless flirtation" and you find someone you feel secure with!