When do you know it's over..?

My girlfriend and I have been together for 7 years.. Yeah SEVEN.. we have a son together whom I love VERY much. My problem is this.. I don't think we were supposed to be together for this long.

You see - we met in a club.. She was overtly flirty, and I went home with her that night.. We hooked up and I never called her back.. Typical right..? Well we end up running into each other again a few months later.. and she's with her ex, who used to beat her, and is the main reason for her "issues" .. Anyway, It was awkward to say the least.. But somehow we just kept running into each other.. and she ends up moving in with my older sister. Me and my older sister always went out to clubs with each other..I was always single.. and hooking up with girls I met at the clubs.. Always searching for MRS Right.. Well we ended up hooking up again, and again, y'know.. we were basically bed buddies.. I gave her what she wanted and she gave me what I needed.. and vice versa.. one day while laying in bed we decided to be a couple.. meh.. even though I said, "I don't wanna girlfriend, I don't need drama in my life.." Well.. after a couple years together I started noticing things.. like she's REALLY insecure.. and VERY possessive of me. I USED TO have a TON of friends.. Now, I have very few.. Any time I wanted to go chill with them, without her, it turned into a fight.. Well after a couple times, I tried to leaver her.. She almost killed herself.. My father says she's taken me as an "Emotional Hostage" .. whereas, if she were to do something to herself, I would feel guilty or responsible for it and thus I have to stay.. (in her mind)..? Anyway.. so RIGHT before I'm about to for real leave her, we get it on, well guess what - she's pregnant.. So it seems that every time I've come to a crossroads - I make the wrong turn.. and the sh*t just keeps snowballing.. Honestly. I think I deserve better. I'm a good looking guy, I've got a solid job. I've got morals.. So why do I allow myself to settle for less? Now we've got a son together.. so it's even more complicated now than it ever was before.. I really don't know what I'm supposed to do..

We fight almost every day.. It's gotten physical.. (she hits me, I restrain her..) .. She has no "OFF Switch" .. I just want to be happy, but I feel that if I break it off, it's going to lessen the quality of life for my son.. Ugh.. I feel so trapped.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I am a child of divorce so I can honestly tell you that if there is constant tension your son feels it. It hurt when my dad left but a day later it was such a relief since I didn't feel like I was walking on egg shells all the time. The stress for me was gone. I missed my dad, he stayed in my life on weekends but it was way better since the stress was gone. My parents fought daily and it was hard on us kids. It was better this way.

    I suggest that you look at how the way your relationship is currently affecting your son. If it isn't negatively affecting him, then I say stay for him. You may deserve better but really the only important thing is what is best for the children, sometimes the parents not being together is the best and sometimes staying together is the best but the children are what matter now more than anything and not your needs any more. Whatever you decide stay in your children's life.

    Children tend to follow in their parents foot steps when it comes to relationships, so if the parents don't have a healthy one then chances are the children will end up in a similar circumstance as adults.


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What Girls Said 4

  • I have a few things to say but I'm like half awake lol...so I'm gonna type it out for you tmrw. Just wanna let you know so you can check and give it a read, you never know if my words could help. Goodnight and I'll give my real answer to this tmrw! <3

  • did you mean to imply that because YOU didn't call her back, she & you are supposed to recognize it is not something real. because you're a guy? most pf what you are writing seems to be you implying, uknow the relationship should not have happened, because you were never into it, per cosmo magazines definition.

    i don't see how any of that crap is relevant. also you're delusional. if you didn't WANT to be with her, you wouldn't be. it doesn't matter how crazy she is. if you willingly get into a relationship with someone, its what you want. and to stay when you do not want to, is also delusional.

    if you want out, you want out., no one stays with someone they don't respect, just for the kids sake--thats psychotic. so the kid grows up thinking adults are not supposed to respect each other,m they just do it for other reasons-like sex.

    anyways, the drama you said you didn't want. you didn't get from a girl. you got because you did not make a conscious decision, towards the actions, you did take.

    stay go. do w/e you want. but do iut because you think its what you should do. not because not doing it would be easier.

    if uve got a solid job morals as you ut it. then you should have no problem holding yourself accountable for your actions.

    i suggest you strt now. before you get more confused, end up raising a crazy kid.

    her threatening to kill herself, means ahe needs help. from proffesionals. it does not mean you should stay with her.

    shes not holding you hostage. you're playing games with a person who clearly is in need of help. I don't think its a safe environment for the kid.

    talk to a prof to figure out what should be done.

    and don't blame your decisions on other people. you're way old to be doing that.,

    morally, what you 'deserve' is the least on the list of priority. she's sick. she needs prof help. the kid, being a child, needs a stable living condition. you are obligated to take care of your kid, of course. I do not think you her should stay together. I do think you should take the kid for now. if she's suicidal, she's not stable presence for a child.

    talk to a prof. psychiatrist, & maybe a social worker. two issues, her & the kid. then you can worry about what kind of girlfriend, you deserve.

    u did commit yourself to a situation 7 years ago-- whether you like what you did or not. morally, you do owe something to her, as a friend. And, a parent to the kid, as a parent..

  • NO. It will NOT lower the quality of life for your son. REALLY, a dysfunctional married-for-the-kids type of family is horror, it's much better if you both find someone else. Eventually, if she's settled with someone, happy, secure (and don't feel that if she's not you shouldn't be) you two may be able to be friendly, getting together to do mainly one thing- talk about your son. No one will want to talk for hours and hours about him as much as you two probably. If you find someone soon, let them know he's not something to be considered as a deal breaker- these situations are more common than you think.

    • You see.. that is the life I grew up in.. My parents stayed married until we all left home.. I later found out they stayed together for US.. Well.. my family is REALLY dysfunctional. I mean REALLY. So my thought on marriage are just "meh" ..

    • I really don't think you should stay with her. In any sense. Two real households would be better than one totally strained one, right?

  • Gosh, I feel for you. It's tough but what your father said is right.

    Im also in a 7 year relationship which isn't really working out it seem but not as bad as your situation. We have issues and we just stop communicating and he's also ever used that suicidal guilt trip on me too. I feel I deserve to be happy and to have a life. So do you. Problem is, I know it's over but I don't know how to end it. I think you probably feel the same?

    I really hope you will have a clearer perspective on how to deal with your situation as well as figuring out how to give your son a better life. Having parents who fight everyday doesn't guarantee quality of life either unless both of you try working out your problems. Maybe try counselling? Truth is, your gut feeling whether it's over or not, is most likely right.


What Guys Said 2

  • Damn, sh*t just been real. Well, the decision is yours. Your son can still have an amazing life with you aslong as your there for him(if you don't have to go through custody battles with her). But if you aren't Happy, you need to leave. Life is too short.

  • Honestly just get out and dump her, get a lawyer and prove she's unfit to be a mom and try to take full custody of the kid? does that work for you?

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