I want him, but he's moved on... PLEASE HELP

i broke up with my long distance boyfriend, stupidly, over the phone, because he didn't come see me for our 6 months, the day I got home for good and was dramatic about it.

told him it wasn't working out, not talking for two weeks is not cool, I forgot we were dating and was worried.

he said he was busy, and we had agreed to wait on each other, we had plans to do things in the summer.

i said I wanted to try again, but it seems like we don't have time for each other(?) and I'm taking the relationship status down until we are functioning like a couple

he was like wtf, if this is what you want and makes you happy then fine. I said, so you are okay with breaking up? he either said OK or if that's what makes you happy and I was like wow. well I guess next time I'll treat you the way I want to be treated then.

deleted me from everything, did all the things we were supposed to do alone, like go camping with his friends that I was part of the planning for and was invited to. I talked to his friend and asked if he was OK and if he's talked to him, he said yes about camping and I just said oh? and that was it. he never went to my job to get food, in fact, when he heard my voice, he avoided me -.-

i said to him I owed him an apology and wanted to talk to him in person

ignored me

said on his gaming stream that we had broken up and that I was cute and that he was fine with the distance for a while, but me calling and saying he didn't care about me was annoying. and that I tried to get back together with him and he ignored me, and wanted someone more understanding about his gaming. (even though I was)

called him a few days later

ignored me

called him a week and a half later

ignored me

3 weeks later sent him a message that said

I'm deeply sorry for what has happened between us. I was wrong and have had time and help to recognize and fix. It wasn't your fault and I wish I could turn back the clock with what I now understand. I am sad that emotions and little things got in the way of logic and hope for our future and promises. Things aren't always about me, and I cannot and will not pick at you or raise my voice at things for no reason to let it get in the way of what we had, your feelings, or the grip on the situation when I could've just talked to you. You're always going to be you and I'll always be me but that doesn't mean we can't co-exist and understand each other with no added pressure or yelling. I feel that you make me happy and have been there for me. I want to do that for you, understand and make you happy, so that we could be supporting and happy together.

Could we talk? There is a lot to share. In all, I hope you're happy and I think the best of you. And I always will. Good luck and I'll be rooting for you

ignored me

3 weeks after that, I just sent him a thinking of you messages and saying that there ins't a day that goes by I don't think of him and told him fond memories of us, and that I KNOW he's ignoring me, even though we live 15 minutes apart.

am I making a fool out of myself? just be brutally honest


Most Helpful Girl

  • Warning: SUPER LONG, but please read everything and take this to heart.

    From what you told me before about this guy, I had my suspicion he wasn't really that great. I feel like if he's worth it, he's going to contact you after all of your effort. I understand that he was hurt by the breakup, but I do feel very bad for you that he won't even hear you out. If, however, you really did yell at him and stuff, perhaps it meant that a buildup of events caused him to lose his feelings.

    I do strongly suggest you read Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward. It offers a healthy perspective on how to handle relationships, and I feel it may be good for you because I suspect you have been either feeling guilty for no reason OR you have not often expressed your feelings to him in a healthy manner during your relationship. It's a quick read and very empowering/informative.

    And no, I don't think you're making a fool out of yourself. Your feelings are strong, emotions are running high, and you're hurting. It seems like it's consuming you. My heart goes out to you during this time, because I have been there with heart-wrenching pain that leaves you clutching a pillow, wishing he could be there and everything could magically be better; that the fairytale would finally manifest, and the relationship problems would disappear because you had love (or at the very least, love for your image of who you thought he was). The media makes the grave blunder of perpetuating the "love is all you need" myth. It took me three years to get over someone who I believed was the love of my life (he was definitely my first love, but he was merely gilded, not solid gold relationship material for my needs). I hope that it does not take that long for you, and I'm more than happy to share my experience and perspective to hopefully help speed up the healing process.

    However, my bottom line is that unless you are absolutely sure there is a chance he is not getting your messages, I would advise you to stop contacting him. In the meantime, focus on your girl friends, pursue your hobbies, treat yourself to some grade-A spa treatment (professional or DIY-- ya just need some organic hypoallergenic bubblebath, a pumice stone and a steady hand with nail polish), watch funny movies (or even dramatic, suspenseful ones) to get your mind off of it, crafts, drawing, writing, etc. Sometimes a movie with romance gone wrong can be incredibly cathartic. If he contacts you, great, you can try to mend things. If he doesn't (and has seen your messages), then it's not meant to be.

    *lots of hugs*


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Relationships are not conform & comply!

    They are however compromise.

    What your guy is doing is nothing more than letting you know!

    That even after both of you are married!

    He still wants "his!" freedom!

    To hang with his boys.

    He is trying to let his "boys!" know that he still has it!

    And that he can tell you what to do.

    Just to let his "boys!" know/think he is in control.

    You do not need this.

    You can do way!



What Girls Said 1

  • heyy I'm going through the same thing I also had a ex boyfriend long distance and they def aren't easy:(. I brokeup with him and I didn't mean too and wish I can take it back. ever since the breakup I was the one who initated contact with him like 6x. I even wrote him long msgs on fb telling him I'm sorry for everything, and how I still have feelings for him and not sure if he does or if he moved on. he was kinda acting like he still does like me because he was saying he misses me, wants to cuddle with me, take me to the beach lol. It takes 2 people to make a relationship work so I'm done messaging him he can if he wants too. he ignoreed my last 2 msgs. he still has me on fb never deleted me, still has a pic of me and him up, never removed"in a relationship off his fb" we are broken up for 4 months now.

    i suggest you don't contact him anymore inless he does, and even when he does ignore him a little just like he's doing that to you :(. hope you feel better, stay strong.