Can't find anyone as interesting as her?

Here's the situation, 2 1/2 years ago I got out of a 7 year relationship and it really messed me up but right after this I met this really great girl and quickly became close friends with her. We would hang out on weekends, go out for dinner, coffee, movie, whatever and it just allowed me to get my previous relationship out of my mind. I was in no condition to even think about dating anyone at first but over time she really helped me get back on my feet and its only about a year later when she got a boyfriend that I realized that I had completely fallen for this girl. It was a bit hard to swallow, but I dealt with it and we've continued being really good friends since and she's still with her boyfriend and he's a really nice guy and we're friends as well. I've tried dating a few other girls since, but somehow I can't seem to find anyone as interesting compared her, and yet I can't date her either, and I don't want to just sit around and wait to see if she'll end up single. In fact I woudn't want her to be because I know her boyfriend is a good guy. So what am I supposed to do?


Most Helpful Girl

  • You've hit a lot of good points. One, definitely don't sit around because otherwise this girl is going to sit even higher on a pedestal in your mind. Two, you need to ask yourself if she's simply more desirable because she's no longer available in the way she once used to be? I'm sure you enjoyed your friendship with her pre-boyfriend and probably even miss some aspects of that. Additionally, she was a woman who saw you at a very vulnerable spot, didn't run, and helped bolster you back up. But one thing I noticed is that you used the word, "interesting." Now I know you claimed to have fallen for her, but remember too that she's seen you at a point that not many others have and you might feel that that bonds you two in a way that no one can touch. If you are thinking that way, and I know you might not be, it's a shaky ground to walk on especially if she is happy with her boyfriend now. I think what you need to do is list the qualities that you like about her, ask yourself if really no other woman could possess them, and then take them out into the dating world and let yourself be surprised by the other kinds of combos and packages that women bring to the table. You might even find that someone you might not have been interested in, really turns your head. Just don't let your feelings close you up or think of in terms of ultimatums like, "she's really the only girl for me." I know it's hard to kind of open yourself up again particularly when your friend seems so safe and loving, but ask yourself too if you'd really be ruining her happiness if you put a kink in her relationship? Life is never full of easy choices and sometimes we have to sacrifice, but I'm sure she's better to have in your life than not at all. Hope this helps and best of luck!

    • You touched an excellent point. I have never taken the time to ask myself what it is that I really like about this girl or women in general for that matter. I'll write down a list and see what I can come up with. I should also do the same with things I really don't like. Thanks a lot!

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