How badly would this text have hurt my boyfriend?

After being physically and emotionally torn to pieces by my best friend . . .

I texted him (NOT thinking and in a complete state of shock) ‘I really need you, I need you to pick up your phone, you are the most lovable friend I have ever known and I would always do the same for you’

A week before all of this I accidentally told him after a little argument that I just wanted to be friends, it had no meaning whatsoever and subconsciously I was trying to get his attention, because I was feeling a little ignored that day.

Although, after apologising and explaining, he completely understood and seemed to forgive me.

Since this text . . . he just seems really different (SO distant and indifferent to our relationship). this is the only thing I can put it down to, I have no idea if I’m just clutching at anything... he knows I was in a panic, in shock when I sent it, trying desperately to reach him.

Do you think this is the reason why he is acting differently towards me? Would it have hurt him, made him act the way he is?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't think it was your text. He just finally woke up to what was going on. If anything, it was your previous argument where you told him "I just want to be friends".

    You're basically using this guy. This is nothing new. Girls crave attention. Some more than others. They need a shoulder to lean on, a protector, someone to confide in, etc. A brotherly figure. There is a different sense of comfort and affirmation when the attention is coming from a guy than from one of her girlfriends.

    The problem is guys always get the short end of this bargain. We don't really get anything out of close female relationships. Typically Male-Female friendships are one sided because women offer men nothing (other than sex) that we cannot provide our selves. We don't require arbitrary attention, emotional support, physical protection, fixing of problems. That being said, many times the guy will say to himself "I'm always there for this girl when she is in need, but what am I getting in return?"

    I always say, If you want me to be at your beckon call, to talk to you whenever you are bored, need advice, or a shoulder to cry on, then maybe you should date me. It's selfish to expect boyfriend like attention without making any commitment. Unless you want to date the guy, that type of attention should be coming from your girl friends, not a guy. That's just how it has to be.

    The two of you were obviously close and I'm telling you that its likely this guy had some sort of feelings for you. Even if he didn't he is probably getting the vibe, that you're playing him for his attention.

    Like anonymous said, us guys are taught to cut girls like this out of our lives. They do nothing but suck up our time and energy and we get nothing in return other than sexual frustration and twisted emotions.


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What Guys Said 4

  • the only way he's going to believe you now is face to face interaction other than that he feels like he ran a mile and came in last place it sucks you know. no more messages if you feel like he liked you and you liked him you will go that extra mile for him. cause now he is in pride mode where we get our to him in person won't be easy though:) hope all go's well

  • Yes, it is the reason. He doesn't know where he stands with you, and it hurts being left in the unknown like that.

  • if a chick ever text me those phrases; I wouldn't be "just friends" with her, I would X her out of my world completely

    dont know about your "best friend/ex" whatsoever

  • You're playing him. I don't really believe you're doing it subconciously either. I think you know what you're doing. And I'm sure he thinks the same way.

    This is why I always recommend to guys to cut girls like you out of their life completely. you're just not worth the hassle.

    Let me run it down for you :

    *You* are feeling a little ignored, so you play with *his* emotions ("I just want to be friends")

    But when you're in a crisis, you want him to be there at your *immediate* beck and call.

    He's not your boyfriend. You made that perfectly clear. And you've no interest in him being your boyfriend.

    So there's no earthly reason why he should be at your beck and call. You have other friends. Female friends. I'm sure they'd love to help you.

    Leave the guy alone. He's got to get on with his life.


What Girls Said 4

  • I don't think that text hurt him. I think that text confused him.

    You don't say something like "I wanna be just friends" if your feeling a little ignored. You say that if you're scared, or if you're not feeling the way you should for a person.

    You told this man basically

    - I don't love you as anything more than a friend

    - I don't find you physically attractive

    - I don't want to be sexual or intimate with you

    ...because you felt ignored...?

    And then a week later, you're asking him to drop everything for you and help you. I don't mean to sound like a bitch, but that's basically what happened! You can understand why the dude is confused.

    Your text didn't hurt him. Your radical change in behavior did.

    I think he is trying to detach himself from you. He may feel that he doesn't understand you and doesn't want to be hurt anymore so he is pulling away.

    Can I just ask.. how do you really feel? Why are you clutching for him back? You haven't said ONCE that you love him.. so what's the deal? Is he a rebound or something?

    • I love him with all of my heart, he makes me feel like a goddess. He is so so good to me, I am the luckiest girl in the world to have him as my own.

      I will openly admit that I have made two mistakes, and that I crave his attention, just because it's his, I never once meant any of the friend suggestions - the second time I texted him I was distraught and physically /emotionally and not thinking . I am massively inexperienced in the world of relationships and I expect very insecure underneath.

    • It's ok.. I understand that when your in a high emotional state you don't think clearly and sometimes you need an outsiders point of view to rationalise what has happened.

      As long as you admit and you regret it, you're one step of the way there.

      Does he know this? What I advise to people is if talking doesn't help, write everything down and give the letter to your partner. That way no interruptions happen. A lot of people find this hugely helpful and together they can pick apart the problem.

  • First off, don't act like you're 12 saying things to him that could be hurtful just because you were "feeling a little ignored that day."

    Personally, if I were him, I'd dump you on the spot. That's just immature of you.

    Now because of what you said, he feels unsure about how you really feel because he's most likely thinking even though you apologized, there is still some truth to what you said.

    You messed up and obviously apologizing and explaining didn't help much.

    So, to answer your question yes, that is why he's acting differently towards you.

  • You know, that was the exact same thing that happened with my ex and I. I told him I just wanted to be his friend and then I told him something really hurtful and ever since then he said he doesn't love me the same anymore.

    My point is, it could be your words that hurt him and he just stopped the relationship altogether. He doesn't seem to want you much anymore. It could be your text or it just could be he's not interested in you anymore...

  • "After being physically and emotionally torn to pieces" Physically?

    You should learn to stop being so dramatic about things. That's your problem.