Do I have any hope at all?

We are both 40 - each with two children. We have been going for about one 1/2 years...more officially last December.

I have been overly insecure in the relationship which I suppose caused it to be over or almost over.

We went (at my insistence) to a councellor on July 4 and FINALLY he agreed to a "open ended time out". He claims he feels nothing for me whatsoever and is at the end of his rope. He refuses to give any sort of "anything" to indicate whether it may or may not work. After we got back from the councellor, I packed my things (we did not live together) and we talked briefly in the garage.

He said, "I feel I should say something here". I told him it was OK. He said I could take you back right now but I know things aren't going to be different. He told me to take my kids on a holiday this weekend and reflect. I told him that I definitely would not be running the bars or on POF looking for a new man. He said, "do you think I would?" (surprised I would say that). I told him that it felt like he didn't give a damn about me or how I felt. He said, "of course I do. Do you not know how much this hurts me? All I want is someone I can be with" I said that I guess we were in a rut and if we can get out of the rut and on a new path, maybe it would work. He sort of nodded. He said the feeling has to be natural. It has to naturally come back. I suggested that maybe time would allow that. He nodded again.

He was almost in tears. I hugged him and he hugged me back.

I felt better knowing that there might be a glimmer of hope even if in the distant future.

Today at 9pm he changed his FB status from in a relationship to single. I suppose that's true. I don't expect to hear from him for some time but god please let me know if there is any hope at all...

Does the no-contact rule apply here? I was planning on not texting or phoning him at all until he did first.

ANY advice or comments please...

**He also said that he had no will to try anymore, that he was empty...void of all feelings but yet he said what I wrote up that just confusion?


Most Helpful Girl

  • i'm not sure why you've been feeling insecure or what has caused that but it can definitely put a strain on anyone including you. I know that feeling of being insecure and it putting a strain on relationships I have been in.

    the best thing for you to do is to take it one day at a time ok? and basically what I mean is that everyday try and find something to do just for yourself. time is the best medicine especially for ourselves.

    you two have been together for a while and its not going to be easy for either one of you. he sounds confused and unsure about what in the heck is going on especially because of your insecurities. what I can tell you is that I've had relationships with other people who've felt insecure about me and like wise where I've felt insecure myself. and I really hate that feeling and don't wish that on anyone whom I'm in a relationship either. but hey it happens.

    the best thing for you is to let that feeling go once and for all. if you've felt insecure with your relationship than you need to let it go and don't allow yourself to feel like again (you know what it feels like and its better to not go there again... for your own sake)

    so yeah I'd leave things with him for now and when your ready to move on with feeling better and wanting a more positive lifestyle that is the most important thing. give him some time and I'm sure he'll check in with you to see how you're doing. take care OK and if you need a friend I'm here :o)

    • Thank you...checking in to see how I'm doing doesn't necessarily translate into missing me, I'm guessing... :( However, I understand what you are saying.

    • i'm glad you understand what I'm saying. and remember he's not just checking in to see how you're doing for the hell of it... he's actually checking in because he cares and misses you.

      trust me on this one ok? and if you miss him or just want to check in to see how he's doing that's fine too. if there's one important thing to remember its that people don't care enough about other people and sometimes people like to play games. which obviously neither one of you are doing. take care :o)

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • i can't really understand you people. if it's over it's over. move on.

    look, even if he "comes back" by some miracle, it will be because of desperation and not love. so, you're better off.

    and yes, no contact. forget about him. cut him out of your life. unfriend him and stuff, delete his number... it's over, baby. over.

  • I guess it would be best to leave it at No contact, he may still need time to figure if he hasn't already done so. My advice would be to keep living your life as if his decision were no(not to say that there isn't hope).


What Girls Said 1

  • hes probably too fed up and drained to try to keep it together anymore. Good advice would be to give him his space, learn to be happy on your own and build your self esteem so that you can have a healthier relationship. You can't make him feel something for you if he truly doesn't, but life is short so make sure he knows how much you still love him.