Should I tell him what I went through so he understands where I'm coming from and then we can take it from there?

I met a guy recently and we were talking and he is very much interested in me (although I don't think that I'm that pretty or have a fun personality). He's extremely good looking very handsome and very fit, he's educated, has a good stable job, lives by himself has no kids, same age as me and is just too good to be true.

The problem is I recently had someone who claimed that they were emotionally hurt by an Ex girlfriend and is a nice guy, yet he literally f***ed with my emotions and hurt me (not such a nice guy after all was he?) so he basically did to me what someone else did to him. I like this guy after that I met as a person, but I don't trust him because of my own experience and now I feel that I will be losing out. Should I tell him what I went through so he understands where I'm coming from and then we can take it from there? It's just that I don't feel ready to engage in the dating or relationship game right now until I can rid myself of all the past hurt to focus on the new.

What are your views on this?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Your past hurt luggage stays with you permanently; it just tapers off - it is a fallacy to expect that it will be "gone" in another week or month or year or five.

    You kind of have to treat it like regular luggage.

    Some people when they come from a trip, their suitcases are lingering in their bedroom or living-room for a long stuff and they dive in there to get stuff they need, and everything is messy and wrinkly.

    Other people when they arrive, take their things out of the suitcases and organize them and hang and put them where they belong. They still obviously posses the luggage and all its contents but it is not taking over their lives and not hindering them living on productively.

    This is exactly what you should do with your luggage. Understand that experience, understand the warning signs and how to deal with them, look at it from everyone's perspective and what that means, etc. There are plenty of ways to see if a person is a good person - mostly in action not word, especially a track record of treating others well, even those who are weak/vulnerable or who he did not want / need anything from. Nasty people can be nice, but they usually have a tunnel vision type niceness - they'll be nice to someone they like or someone they are after, but if you're a busboy who spills water on them by accident or whatever, they may not be nice.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Time to move on to new guy. We all have pasts, but not a great idea to let that effect what could be good thing in the future. Finding a good partner and falling in love means you are willing to make tourself vulnerable. It comes with the territory.

    • You are right, but I know for sure that a week of just getting over what has happened to you is too much of a short of a time to get involved with someone else without healing properly

  • I think your instincts are right here. You should tell him, and explain where you are emotionally.

    I'd also go so far as to say you should tell him that you're afraid you'll be losing out if you let him go. That's something of a compliment, and could offset the whole "You might be a douchbag" thing.

    • Sometimes instincs can be wrong, I just feel that I owe him an explanation though, I don't want him to feel that way. I should tell him though so your right.

What Girls Said 1

  • you need to work through this one yourself. if you're not ready for him, let him go--don't make him pay for someone elses's sins. But if you can manage, work through it, but still pursue the future with a great new guy.