I think I made my boyfriend paranoid about a break?

I don't know exactly what to say to him...Or how I could go about making him less paranoid.

Situation-I've suffered from self esteem issues all my life. When I was younger I was a bit bigger in then I lost some weight and put a tiny bit back on. I have a little pudgy now. Anyway my boyfriend has a problem with looking at other females. Its not just glancing at them or looking them up and down its completely ignoring me, asking me a question in then asking me to repeat myself, walking away from me, staring for a few minutes, looking back 20 different times...etc. I got fed up especially when I would catch him checking out the people closest to me. My sister for me is a big no no. My sister is older them me,smaller then me in both height and body mass, she has larger breasts...I've always been compared to her, ever since I was little and gained a bunch of weight I have always been compared to her and I couldn't take it. I told him if he doesn't knock it off I would tell him I need some space...It would just crush me when I would catch him starring at my sister and when he would completely ignore me and walk away. I'm just so tired of it. I've been with him for a little over two years and we've talked before but it didn't change a whole lot. I just felt like I couldn't take it anymore and I would need some space if it happens again. It makes me feel so horrible when he stares after and ignores me because I feel like I'm not what he really wants just what he settled for...and I know he likes my personality most of the time.

Now he is paranoid about doing anything wrong because he'll think I'll want a break and its not like that. He feels better about the whole situation since I said that to him, something about a break, because its been a week...But what do I say to make him not so paranoid? I know its a bit confusing and I don't want all guys do this answers because I know guys will glance but not go out of there way to look nor completely ignore the one there with to look at someone else.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Can I be blunt with you? Honestly I don't think you're ready for a stable relationship. He's being distracted by natural stuff, you could either talk to him about it, or you can break it off completely; if you can't handle it like a real woman.

    Why would you want to take a break with someone you love? You're delusional, torn between your jealousy and cognitive dissonance. The way you approach a relationship isn't healthy. Nothing in life is 100% perfect you have to understand that it's a trade, that it's a give and take, that you can't just give, and you can't just take, you're supposed to be honest with each other, and the sooner you accept that the better it is for you.

    • @ Update, can you rephrase that? I don't understand.

    • Show All
    • I still don't think you're ready for a serious relationship and It sounds like you're in denial. It's not wrong of you to be upset of you're situation, it's brash... If you insist on doing it your way then do it, I can't promise you that you'll still be with him.

    • I think you should take a long, long, long break, and rethink your priorities.

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • All men are going to look, it's natural for them to like variety. Him looking at other women is not a reflection of how he views your body, it's just him admiring something different. With that being said, he should be using some discretion. I know my man looks at other women, but he's polite about it. He doesn't just blatantly stare, unless she's really a knock out, and then I don't hardly notice cause I'm staring too, lol. This is either something you can accept, or something you cannot accept. If he can't change his actions, you'll have to do the walking.

  • You told him you wanted space (a break) if he didn't cut it out. So, shouldn't he be paranoid? You avoid making someone paranoid by not putting conditions on a relationship, that never does any good or ends well.

    • I suppose it does. I say something to him though and I ending up feeling bad. That's not right is it? Is it wrong for me to upset with this situation. I could take it if it was a glance here and there and maybe gocking if someone was just beautiful but to get ignored in most every situation when it comes to the matter above and having him actually walk away from me and ignore me to check someone else out and not even realize I'm not around him anymore...Is it wrong of me to get upset by that?

    • I ask because the two answers make me feel like I'm in the wrong, that this is something I should be used too. That this is really nothing. That I should get used to it or put him behind me. He's working on changing his habit and I know bad habits die hard so I don't think it should just go away but I'm not going to break up with him. Is it wrong to be upset though? I've asked a similar question before and everyone said he was an ass...I'm just confused and venting.

    • You don't have to ask anyone to justify your feelings as 'ok'. You feel what you feel and that's that. However, you can't control his actions. All you can do is be assertive, let him know what you need, and give him the opportunity to give it to you. If he can't give it to you, then it's up to YOU to decide what to do with the situation. If he can't change, then you need to decide what is best for you from here on out, whether it means leaving him or adjusting your perspective.