Do we need to have "the talk?"

I normally like to avoid "the talk" and let things happen organically, and let it fall into place.

However, I am seeing someone new. He is a Coast Guard and recently became stationed here a couple months ago. We have been talking and seeing each other for a little less than a month, which is normally way too soon to ask about where things are going.

We talk every day and have slept together once. However, it is difficult since he can't have girls on base and I live with my parents for now. He wants me to spend his birthday with him, he's told me before he hates having to get a hotel room because he doesn't want to "make me feel like a booty call" because "i am more to him than that." He has also said that he would love to just have "2 days where neither of us have to work the next day so we can sleep in together and go to the movies, etc."

It obviously isn't bad, these are all good signs, however, this is where it gets complicated.

I am moving to southern california (I live in northern california) this fall where I plan to finish school and live there permanently, therefore possibly cutting short our relationship. Also, since he is in the military/coast guard, he can't just pick up and leave.

I feel like I should hold back and wait for it to happen on its own, but I'm just not sure. I know I really like him, and I don't really want to see anyone else right now. I also don't want to freak him out and seem too pushy.

Help me out!


Most Helpful Girl

  • You need to have the talk.

    It doesn't matter how much you hate it; there's no avoiding it. Take it from someone who is the child of TWO parents who were in the military and I've been around women with this same situation my entire life. Don't wait for it to happen on it's own, just talk to him. Why not just be open and honest vs not knowing where each other stands? If he's really a great guy, than he's worth "the talk". You may really regret letting him go in the future...

    • I also know how important communication is if I were to be a military girlfriend. The benefit to having "the talk" is laying it all out on the line of what its going to be like being with him in this situation and what to expect

    • Exactly! The way I see it, there are way more pros to having the talk than there are cons. Yes, it's very important for you to go to school and pursue your own dreams. But you also need to not forget that special men and special connections are not something you come across all the time. If you've been fortunate enough to find something special, then it's worth a possible future of complication. And things may only be complicated temporarily :) Please listen to me, I know what I'm talking about

    • The move is for sure, Los Angeles has always been my dream and I won't compromise on that, but who known, anything could happen really.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Just shoot it to him straight. Tell him how you feel about him from what little time you've had, and let him know about the impending move, and perhaps discuss some ways you might adapt.That way he'll never wonder if you somehow sandbagged him. (And I'm glad they got your friend guarding the coast. The French have been tryin to make off with it for years!)

  • Do what you need to do for you. Not anyone else.

    If you do it for him and it doesn't turn out as you hoped then it'll mess up your plans for YOUR future.

    • I definitely don't intend on staying here. Its my dream to move away :)

    • Then never let your dreams go.

What Girls Said 1

  • Have the talk. These guys know their relationships aren't normal. There isn't time to just let things fall into place, and they like to know what YOU think of the possibilities of the relationship too. Can you accept his job and move with him, if you end up getting married, or are you just looking for a short term thing? His job and your situation are not secrets. You should address them and save yourselves heartache. It's scary, but I think it's something you have to do.