How does this dating thing work?

I've never in my life been on a date. It just isn't something real people do in Europe. Its a thoroughly alien concept which I only know of via American TV.

It seems though in Japan that people do date here...which leaves me utterly clueless on what to do.

Just how do you do it?

Is it as it seems- just see a pretty girl and ask for her number then call her and say "On Tuesday lets go to X"? As that seems shallow and f***ed up.

If I'm to get anywhere with women here I think I have to adapt to the local culture but dating just seems to be a terrible thing...but I've no choice.


Most Helpful Girl

  • This is not my description, but I think it's spot on.:

    In my opinion, a date refers to an activity two people share together with the intention of getting to know each other better on a potentially romantic level. This differs greatly from 'hooking up' which usually describes a casual get together between two people that may or may not be sexual in nature. Two people who are "dating" therefore, have shared several dates together and have made it clear to one another they are interested in more than just a friendship - even if so far the exchanges have been purely friendly in nature. Dating is, essentially, getting to know someone over an extended period of time to determine if a relationship is something worth pursuing.


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What Girls Said 1

  • Dating is fun and exciting, challenging and often disapointing. You just never know what you're going to get. So, if you don't date in Europe, how do you get to know someone before you become exclusive with them?

    • that's a good question

    • Show All
    • you clearly have a different definition of date to the rest of the world then.

      A date to me is when you ask a stranger out and you're both out there putting on your best face and testing each other and seeing if you're suitable.

      When you just hang out with your girlfriend/boyfriend...well that's hanging out with your gf/bf, not a date.

    • No no no, you date to see if you WANT to pursue a relationship. Once you decide to committ, then you become BF/GF. The notion that it has to be a complete stranger is completely false. I have never gone on a date with a complete stranger, they've always been someone I meet through friends, family, etc. You can know someone for a long time without being BF/GF, the time is diddly to do with any of it.

What Guys Said 3

  • Usually, I suggest to go on a date on a dating site which I use. As a rule, I let the girl decide where to go. Using dating sites is easier in this regard, in that you know for sure that people wait to be invited to go on a date. Though selecting who to go with is much harder there. You don't see the person face to face.

    The key thing is not the looks, in my opinion. It's how much you have in common together. The more, the better.

    It's true, dating is very American. But it actually helps to explore who you are. Be prepared to see a lot of girls this way. If you are looking for a potential romantic partner, it might take some time to find her.

  • While I have no insightful advice on the matter...I just wanted to leave some moral support for you in finding the answer. I have only lived in a society that does "dating" all my life and I still can't figure out this cesspool of a convoluted mess full of arbitrary rules, standards, and guidelines that have never been and never will be published.

    Those who say that "dating is meant to be fun" are flat out nuts...I think its a chemical misbalance and desire to have sex that drives people to date.

  • what did you do that wasn't dating to get with women wherever it is that you come from?

    • the normal, natural way generally of getting to know them as part of larger groups and having a relationship evolve. And the occasional random drunken encounter.

    • I like that approach much better.