I have been seriously dating this guy that I met on vacation in January. He lives across the country but is moving in with me in August. The first 2 months we were not serious and were both hooking up with others. I was just with him for the weekend and it went perfect as usual. We are both obsessed with each other. But I have some trust issues with guys and also sometimes it seems too good to be true so I couldn't help looking through his phone. I found a lot of good msgs about me but I found one that I am very weirded out by. So a month ago he had gone 2 a wedding and a pic came up on fbook of him and this girl. I asked him if he went with her and he said no that she's just a friend from hs that was there. In his phone I found a message from his guy friend saying "has she seen your fbook or does she just need a date to the wedding?" and my guy wrote back saying "should be interesting. Luckily open bar for 2 hrs. Facebook category 5". To me this meant that his friend was referring to my guys fbook since a week before I posted photos of me and him all over and that the girl he apparently went with saw them. To me it seems that he did go with this girl and that they might have had something going on before. I am really upset because it sounds like he lied to me! We have always said that we were going to have a relationship based on honesty and now I am skeptical. What can I do? I can't say I stalked his phone. Is there anyhting else I should do or am I overreacting?
Most Helpful Girl
You say you have trust issues and that is the reason why you went through his phone. This very act I find nullifies any wrong doing you perceived he has done. Whether it's your own insecurities or your intuition, either way, you invaded his privacy and found information that may or may not be really a cause for concern.
I am more concerned about the fact that you looked through his phone, because that is a terrible sign for things to come. In the 15 years I've been with my husband, I have never felt the need to look through what is his personal belongings, even though I have the opportunity at all times.
He might quite possibly be a lying cheating bastard, but you have tainted evidence that if you present to him, will only make him distrust you. Is this something you should sweep under the rug? Of course not, but you cannot approach him with it either. It's a disaster waiting to happen.
There is a definite cause for concern, but that fact that it is currently a long distance relationship till August, can make it extremely difficult to gauge his actions without an interrogation. Sounds like you like him enough to have him moving in with you.
I think one of the biggest mistakes we make not just as women, but as humans, is that we are too afraid to pull back on the reigns even when we know we should because we're extremely afraid of loss, and the consequences that comes with that loss. We've invested so much time and energy that it seems ludicrous to do anything that could jeopardize the status quo. As impossible as the situation may seem, you do have choices, although you may not like them.
1. You can make the decision to put a hold on things. Obviously you already know and feel you can't trust him, so why put yourself in a position that will only make it more difficult to make the best decision for yourself down the road.
2. You can confront him with the information and see what he says. More than likely the relationship will be wrought with distrust and insecurity, even if buried. He may confess...he may try to explain it away...he may feel violated and get upset. Either way, this choice should be about getting perspective for yourself. Be prepared to hear things you may not want to hear. Either way, be decisive and blatant about your decision from there.
3. You can choose to sweep it under the rug for now. Allow him to move in, see how things unfold. The danger in this is that you commit yourself almost totally, and will have difficulty thinking clearly and are apt to making decisions based on pure emotion. This can result in a lot of wasted time and deeper heartache.
I'd like to believe that there is a great chance that this just one bad decision in the course of time that may have nothing to do with you. I don't think it means anything that he took a girl to a wedding. The fact that you feel he lied is the issue. Ultimately, I say, make the decision that will let you sleep at night.
I wish you luck in love.0