Can someone explain this woman's motives to me? I seriously need some advice!

This girl and I are really close. We are one of each others' best friends. I've been interested in her for a while, but she was dating a guy when we first met. She's been single for probably about 5-6 months now. She knows that I've liked her for a long time, but refuses to date me. I've said and done some dumb things to try to win her over. Recently we even got drunk and had sex. Things were weird between us for just a few days, but now we're back to the way we were before. I try to make it a point not to initiate conversation with her most of the time. She has texted me everyday for a while now. Conversations are not always super in depth. She sometimes just texts me about her cat or something to do with work. It's just random stuff. I just don't understand why she claims that we can't date, but goes out of her way to keep in contact with me. Am I really just that good a friend? There are more details to this, but I'd be typing for days.


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What Girls Said 2

  • Ouch...okay, complicated situation it sounds like. You actually told her and she definitely knows you like her? One of my close guy friends admitted to liking me, and always wanted to go do things with me, casually trying to show me he wanted to date me. The thing is I would never have sex with him, knowing he liked me more, if that is not what I wanted. Not only is it awkward--sex changes the relationship, maybe not the same degree for each gender, but it does change the relationship, man or woman. She is making it a constant and continuous thing to text you because she wants to keep your attention. Depending on what type of girl she is--she might not have a motive. Straight-forward women are not going to lead you on, they will tell you straight that you are not what they want. Girls who seek attention from whoever is there, will continue talking with no motive or intention of ever being with you. I am not saying she is playing games with you, but you should casually bring up the sex, and ask her what it means to her. Face to face is best as well because her body language will tell you right away if she does not care about it or if she makes it an issue to describe how she feels. Good Luck!

    • We've talked about what sex means for the both of us before that night. She's made mistakes in the past, but she says that it's important to her. The day after it happened she said that we can still hang out, but what happened the night before won't and shouldn't happen again. I told her that we should spend some time apart. She agreed and we kept a bit of distance. I ended up calling her and telling her that I didn't want things to be weird. After that we went right back to where we left off.

  • Well there are 2 possibilities :

    either she's just seeking for attention, or she has realized she made a mistake not wanting to date you and doesn't know how to back up and get you to ask her out again.

    Honestly though I think it is more likely to be the attention seeking motives, when you know your good friend has a crush on you, you just don't have sex with them no matter how drunk you get cause at the end of the day you know they will be hurt, and you don't keep talking to them everyday, you give them time and space to forget about the feelings they have for you. That's called consideration for the others' feelings.

    But you know her better than we do, so if she's not the attention seeking type fo girl, and she's a nice person, maybe she just regrets turning you down, and wants to be with you. But in that case that means that she has also stopped claiming you two shouldn't be together ...

    • I think she may like attention, but she is very pretty and there are a ton of other guys that she could talk to. For all I know she does. The other morning she texted me at 6 in the morning to complain about her cat. I don't feel like that was a text that a lot of people received. It's not like we just text also. We talk on the phone and spend quite a bit of time together.

    • Seeking attention won't make you send collective texts to all the guys you know, she's probably smarter than this anyway

      All I'm saying is that if she knows for sure you want to be with her, and if she has told you that this wasn't shared, even after the sex incident, it probably means she's just playing with you...

      Unless there's a secret motive that won't enable her to be with you.

      I know it's not cool, but that's how lots of girls are, attention is always nice and hard to let go of

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