What does he want from me?!

wealthy small town farmer & acclaimed player whom everyone told me to stay away from chased me 4 a couple months but was negative to him Because of his rep that whole time, I am 40 he is 48 never been married, finally gave in & the last 3 weeks we have a lot of fun 2gether. we talk about everything, he takes me out to eat, takes me w/running errands, takes me shopping buying me a tank top to ride on his bike, said if I really like it will "garb" me up, asks my opinion on a lot of things, asks how my day was, what I did, how I am, do I need anything, when I am @ his house, always asks if he could make me anything to eat, do I need a snack, something to drink etc. he likes me to sleep over & is VERY snuggly, kisses, heavy "pettin" has happened but not 4 awhile, says he doesn't wanna have sex as it will change things slowly & eventually, & afraid to get me prego, (told him my tubes have been tied for 15yrs) says it could still happen & he has heard that b4 & now has 8yr old daughter, says wants to "proceed w/caution" & take the time 2 get 2 know me & figure me out. I have met his daughter & sis/family on the 4th of July, wanted me 2 watch fireworks w/them. introduced me as "friend" & when I teased him he asked what I wanted him to call me, we have never really discussed what we are, but I feel he is very insecure about my "intentions" as he has been told a lot of BS from other gals Because of $. I truly like him for him, I have my own money, house, job, no debt, and have bought him lunch/supper, cocktails, told him how I feel etc. he has made a lot of little comments here & there that seem 2 question my liking of him. he never texts me 1st much, he likes it when I say hi throughout the day etc, he almost always asks ahead of time to come over, go do something etc. he tells me all about his day, what he did did, has talked to me about his family, shown me where he grew up, his fields, talks to me about his daughter all the time (sees her 2x a month) he's just not good about texting 1st, making himself clear, he thinks I am s'pose 2 b able 2 read his mind. I don't wanna push anything on him. do ya think he actually likes me or just a darn good player? I see something in him, I truly do, & have told him. what should I do or not do or keep doing?


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  • It was hard to read this but I think I got the gist.

    What do you want in a relationship? Do you want a committed relationship? What has this guy done with other women? He has asked any to move in or marry him?

    A guy who has made it to the age of 48 with a player's rep and not marrying, well that is who he is. This did not happen because he did not meet the right woman to settle down with. This guy has actively chosen to remain single so don't put any hopes into him being more than a temporary pleasure in your life.

    Also, don't put a bunch of thought and concern into proving to him that you are not after his money. That is his fear, there is little you can do to reassure him his fear is unfounded with you. He sounds a little unrealistic in regards to money and dating. On one hand he buys little gifts and talks about "garbing" you up, but then wonders that women are after him for money. A man with means who uses that image to attract women should recognize that he may well attract women who need a man to support them. But then again, players are really not that worried about any of that because they are not trying to wifey anyone. Good luck.

    • thanx 4 yer input. I want a relationship where we both go do our own things but yet have that someone there & committed to each other & no one else. he has said the same, hmmm. you are right about that those are his issues about $. he has never asked anyone to marry him, someone living w/him I am not sure. not sure what he has done w/other women, but it seems to not be good because of everyone tellin me to stay away. but why meet his family/daughter etc, why go that far?

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    • thank you so much for all your thoughts, its been kinda on & off lately, I just started to blow him off actually & told him he could text me 1st for a change because it would be nice to know if you were thinking of me 4 blew him off & by God, he text me 1st right away the next morning, and has been text me 1st ever since, and asking me to do stuff etc, just gonna go w/the flow & c what happens, ain't got my heart into him yet so, so blowing him off made him do what I wanted I guess!

    • Actually, blowing someone off may not get them to do what you want BUT when you are truly able to date without concern for an outcome, then you will be better able to tell someone what you want and not worry if they run or they come around to what you want. It is once we get fearful about losing someone that we can become uncomfortable telling them what we want and that is not a good place to be.