I just can't get a boyfriend.

I just turned 20, and I've still never had a boyfriend. And I'm very concerned by this, not because I think I ~need~ one, but because I feel like I'm growing bitter or something. I don't even try and talk to guys anymore, which I realize is counterproductive.

I'm kind of shy, not terribly, but I'm not a huge flirter. The guys I like are actually never interested in me too. Back in high school, I straight up told two guys I liked them, and they told me that they only liked me as a friend, despite leading me on (inviting me places, things like that). So, that was scarring.

In my first two years of college, I grew interested in a few guys, only for them to make it clear that I never had a chance in hell. Example, a guy friend of mine who also shares lots of mutual friends would say things like "Yeah, I'm into Asians pretty much." (I'm not Asian, neither is he. Ok...).

The thing is, I realize I'm probably very standoffish now, so guys don't approach me, and that is entirely my fault. But I'm becoming fairly bitter about this. I've given up, deep down inside I think, because nothing ever works out.

I just want to have the experience of a boyfriend :/ Does anyone have an advice, or similar stories with happy endings?

edit: Another example. Another guy friend of mine, we literally have everything in common. It's actually super creepy, to some degree. We have the same major, same favorite TV shows, and our parents are from the same town! But of course, I'm friend zoned. Perhaps we have too much in common?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I've been in a similar situation and to some extent still am. I also have to agree with TKDkidd. As shallow as it sounds, its the truth. While personality is very important, its looks that get a girls foot in the door. If you aren't somewhat attractive, nothing else matters. Sad but true.

    First of all I suggest you learn to flirt and be really outgoing. In my experience the girls (who weren't always all that attractive) that had guys all over them, where the girls that were super friendly and outgoing. They radiated friendliness and as a result every guy felt comfortable getting closer to her (figuratively speaking). Everyone is drawn to people who are friendly and happy not to people who are grumpy.

    I've had my fair share of GF's, but most of them were short flings that didn't mean much and considering the fact that I'm 24, I'm still not burning it up given the number of GF's I have had. I get friend carded more than you can imagine, and it seems the only girls who like me are the ones I have 0 interest in. What I learned, which you seem to already know, is you have to tackle this head on. Find every way to improve upon yourself. New clothes, go the gym, new hair style, work on your flirting and talking to men, etc. Take a proactive approach to improving your dating life instead of praying it gets better. When I decided to do this, I saw improvement. Not that I became hugh hefner, but I'm definitely getting more dates/GFs/sex than I once did.

    Once again, but be brutally honest, It's likely your looks, or a key red flag that is turning people away. Most guy generally will not turn down a girl who is at least above average in attractiveness, again, unless of course she has some major red flag about her. Maybe she has some seriously mental illness, really bad home life, cheated on someone in the past, does too much drugs or alcohol, whatever, it can be anything that says to a guy, this girl isn't prime for dating.

    Improve on your appearance, update to a friendlier attitude, learn how to flirt, and eliminate any potential sources for drama.

    • Thanks for commenting, I appreciate it. You put it a bit better than I did. I get friend zoned, a LOT, by decent people. I have been borderline molested at parties/on sofas by creepers, but I don't really consider that a compliment to me.

      As shallow as this is (and I'm slapping myself for even asking), do you think if I had like, the perfect body, I would get more interest? I go to the gym about 4 times a week, so I'm not fat, I just don't look like Jessica Alba.

    • Show All
    • You do not have to look Jessica Alba or even a super model. I've hooked up with girls who do modelling, fitness pros, amateur athletes and the such in the past and my current girl is far from that, she's cute but she is not no Michelle Prestin.

    • On a side note, just looked that girl up tkdkidd and holy sh*t, probably the best body I've ever seen...EVER. But like he said, guys don't expect our girls to look like that. Not that it wouldn't be nice, but our expectations are and desires are far more realistic than that. We can be just as attracted to a girl who has half the body she does.

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What Guys Said 6

  • Honestly, I would share a photo. Not trying to come off as a perv or a creep or anything but it would help as physical attraction is what leads guys to want to know personality.

  • Its not a problem of you...

    dont think much about it...jus give it sometime ...

    if you have a best friend ask him/her about this and ask if any guy likes you to date or something..

    if yes then approach him slowly if not they will have a reason for it...

    and you can work on it ...if anything is wrong...

    Chat with someone ...know people.

    I think it might help you...

    All the very best...

  • Get a guys number text him all night sometimws if you give them a boner they will be horny and go nuts for you just text him amd get to now him and slowly step it up

  • even I don't have any girlfriend so can we get close and if we likes each other thinking and liking then later on can be in a relationship so think and add me

  • You shouldn't try to force yourself to get a boyfriend, the right guy will come alone

  • You haven't given up. if you did you wouldn't be concerned about it now. You're also not truly bitter you're just annoyed that you see other people in relationships. in another 20 years you'll be bitter but for now you're just dealing with not the one that guys want. You;re only 20 for goodness sake, there's still time. You may not be the type that guys approach immediately so why not flip the tactic and start going after guys. Start flirting more obviously, dress to impress, take pride in the fact that you don't think there's anything wrong with you and let that confidence give you a boost. Most of all don't let a relationship define who you are, just because you're not dating a guy doesn't mean you can't be happy that you have friends and hobbies that you enjoy. Just enjoy them and when you meet the right guy make it known that you want to get closer.


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