Am I a rebound for this girl?

I'm dating this beautiful, smart, and amazing girl right now whose 24. We've been dating for a month now. I'm 23.

During our most recent date, which is the 5th date, I asked her why someone like her was single during dinner. She said that she dated her ex for 5 months. They were friends for years before they decided to start a relationship. Her ex had liked her more than a friend in those past years, but she only saw him as a friend so they never went out. She said he had asked her again 5 months ago, and she decided to finally give him a chance.

She said it was nice and all at the beginning of the relationship, but she found that she didn't love him. She stayed with him hoping that she would love him the way he loved her, but it never happened. So she broke up with him, and her ex was devastated.

I asked her when she ended it, and she said April 8, which scared me because I asked her out on April 23.

That's a fairly short time to get over someone right? I mean I asked her if she still had feelings for the guy and she said "definitely not".

I just don't want to be a rebound for this girl. I mean so far everything is great. We haven't had sex yet, but we have so much in common and we're so compatible. We always have so much fun together, and she's always so willing and enthusiastic when I ask her out to do something. She has never mentioned her ex at all except for when I asked about him.

If she didn't love him, why would she stay with him for that long? and I guess she was basically treating the guy as a friends with benefits/ just being with him for the sex?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think if you want to think the worst of this girl then you could think that she was treating him as friends with benefits, but I don't think you are really giving her the benefit of the doubt. You don't know what's going on in her head, and I would hope after 5 dates she wouldn't be that frank with you about how intimate she was with this other guy in their 5 month relationship - you shouldn't really know anything about the nature of their relationship because it isn't any of your business.

    If what she told you was true, then she had a guy friend who was in love with/really liked her for years. If you've ever been in that situation, then it might be easy to relate to. If you haven't, then it might be more difficult.

    When someone puts you on a pedestal and you don't feel the same way but still spend time with them, it can be flattering. And right or wrong, sometimes people gravitate towards that because it makes them feel better when they are feeling down or not so good about themselves. It doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you human.

    She chose to give him a chance - for whatever reason. It doesn't sound like she was really invested in the relationship, but she gave it a chance. No one can really tell you why she chose to stay, but I think it is probably the same reason as many people chose to stay in bad relationships - they think (or hope) the feelings will change. Whether it was right to stay with someone she didn't have true feelings for or even start a relationship in the first place, well, it wasn't fair to him to be in a relationship with someone who wasn't really 100% sure she wanted to be with him. Unfortunately, that is something that happens every day.

    As for your relationship with her, this should be irrelevant. If she enjoys spends time with you and vice versa, don't worry about some guy she dated a few months ago. You can keep it in the back of your mind maybe if she begins to seem distant, but I wouldn't put too much stock in it.

    • Thank you for the insightful reply. She never told me about her and her ex's sexual encounters, she just told me how long they dated, and why they broke up. However, they did date for about 5 months, and they had defined the relationship of girlfriend and boyfriend.

      Everyone knows sex is an important part in the relationship especially when your in your early 20's and above. I'm sure they've done it plenty of times in the 5 month period, especially since she said her ex was a bit of a jerk

    • If you have been dating for a month, think about where your status is in regards to sexual encounters ... compare to the total amount of time they were in a relationship ... 5 months. I think you can torture yourself by filling in the blanks anyway you want, but it doesn't make it true. You don't know what they did or didn't do, worry about how she treats and reacts to you.

      As far as the ex being a jerk, don't you think he was sensing she wasn't as interested as he was?

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What Girls Said 3

  • I honestly don't think she had any mal-intentions to her ex or to you. She probably realized that no matter how much she tried, it just didn't feel right. Gettnig over a relationship like that is a lot different than leaving a relationship with a lot of strings and emotions still attached. I don't think you're a rebound just ask her if she feels like she genuinely could have a meaningful relationship with you and that will answer your questions as to how she feels about you vs how she felt for her ex.

    For your update, I don't necessarily agree. I can see your side of this and why you would think that but I really don't think that was her intention. She may have been trying to cope/compensate for a lack of emotional connection by inventing or concentrating on a physical one. The fact that she realized it was never going to happen makes her smart and self aware. :)

  • I don't think you are a rebound because she didn't even love the guy, You would only be a rebound if she was heartbroken for the relationship ending (but since she ended it, I don't hink this is the case)

  • well she just said she couldn't love him like he loved her but she was trying, there fore she never loved him like that. So she never loved him and probably never had real feelings for him besides friendly ones. so NO you don't sound like rebound at all!

    • honestly, I don't know why she would even be sleeping with him? I would NEVER sleep with a guy I don't love its digusting in my book! but she said she didn't love him I don't know what she was waiting for maybe she just doesn't like to be lonely or was just trying to b a good friend

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