Ladies: Is "preselection" always a factor in determining who is boyfriend material?

This is a topic that worries me somewhat, in that I am entering the dating world at the age of 41 with nothing on my resume.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I've heard this myself, and actually posted a question about it as well.

    After more reading, I discovered the Chimp vs Bonobo conundrum (Our two closest relatives).

    Basically, we have socially structured ourselves on the premise that we behave like Chimps, A hierarchical, "alpha male" structure:

    -A few men get power over the whole pack, including the attention of nearly all the women.

    -The women get intrinsic value because she's preggo for 9 months, while the guy is ready to go again in a few hours. All you need is one guy to start another generation, but every woman counts.

    -The "alphas" are determined by the pack's criteria. The females, as such, are drawn to the same males as the other females, in order to swarm around only the highest-status males.

    -The men who AREN"T in power are met with distrust by the alphas, and lack of attention from the females. They become "expendable." And their life's drive is to basically make themselves in to good enough fighting machines to overthrow the alphas just to have sex.

    However, the way we NATURALLY BEHAVE, at it is being found, is more like Bonobos:

    -We may be emotionally attracted to one or two people (pair-bonding), but we are sexually attracted to anyone who meets the criteria.

    -Our sex-drive is year-around, like the Bonobos. A Chimp's libido, for the most part, is seasonal.

    -Sex is used socially for emotional reasons first, reproductive reasons are secondary. Sex is based on emotional mutuality for us and Bonobos. For chimps, sex is primarily reproductive, and is in the form of rape in most cases.

    Basically, we are Bonobos who think we're Chimps. It's unnatural and unhealthy how things are structured.

    So basically, if girls do this, it's more likely socialized than it is genetic. While it may play a role, it probably plays more of a social role than a sexual one. She's simply more likely to notice a guy who her friends are mentioning.


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • Depends on the woman. Personally I go after whoever I want regardless of whether there are a million or no girls after him. But I feel like your definition is a bit flawed for lack of a better word. Of course a man who has had many girlfriends will have a better chance of getting even more girlfriends, he knows what works for him. He has experience. But right off the bat a woman is not going to know whether youve had past relationships or not. So to answer your question, no, it is not always a factor, but I'm sure there are many women out there who disagree and subscribe to that school of thought as well.

  • What do you mean by pre-selection?

    • Preselection: A man who has had many girlfriends has a better chance of getting even more GFs than a man who has had none. If a lady sees two women hanging on some guy in a bar she thinks (unconsciously) "he must be the one to go after".

    • Na, I would rather have guy who has had any. It would be a a lot nicer for me.

  • i wouldn't know a mans dating history unless I've known him before. but if its a guy that I like and would be interested in, I'd just assume he's dated before anyway


What Guys Said 3

  • To an extent it does, but asking the question won't give you the answer because its subconscious. It's not necessarily about the amount of GF's either, its simply do you appear to be someone who is an alpha males and who ladies want. PUA's leverage this all the time.

  • If your behavior says you're not desired by other women it matters more.




    Pre-selection can get you girls but those are the things that keep'em.

  • i'm surprised you haven't gone to a hooker a long time ago