Grew attached to a guy online dating for a year, but not so crazy about his appearance real life?

I was online dating this guy for a year. He does not like taking pictures and only sent me one picture of himself (head shot). Apart from that I've seen his profile picture. I really enjoyed talking to him and we seem to have a lot in common. I could tell though that he might be less considerate than my last boyfriend but I am accounting for the fact that it is online and we haven't met. After we met though, he seems more into me, and talks to me even more enthusiastically.

I finally met him last month, and I think I was a bit too idealistic with what I thought he would look like. He is a bit overweight. I knew he was short from his profile, but overweight and short isn't quite what I would like if I had met him in real life from the start. I couldn't help though that I am being shallow if I didn't give him a chance and I did, we dated slept together etc, so now I feel attached to him even though at the back of my mind I do mind his appearance. I've dropped him hints about him drinking too much beer that he could be healthier. but really it's just me dissatisfied about his looks. He isn't exactly an angel either and kept wanting me to do some sexual acts that aren't my thing.

Otherwise though, we talk like soul mates online. Should I end it and lose it all? Or should I wait it out and see if I can accept his looks later? Feeling do grow with passing time, even though I'm back home now and we are back on long distance.

I put anonymous here cos I'm embarrassed of the details but still want your perspective. If you've been in a similar situation, better still.

Thanks for all your comments, but somehow I'm not convinced. We do share a lot in common which seem to something I find difficult to find because of the eclectic kind of interest that I like and is not common in my country. Also the sense of humour that I have I tend to relate to, he understands. He has also helped me out with an interest that we share and I've been touched by his affection. Its rather disconcerting but I'm still considering. You are welcome to comment more.
Just realized that this is in the wrong section. It should be under "dating" or "relationships" NOT "sexuality".
This is tough. I'm the sort who can't keep things to myselthat are bothering me. I looked at his picture again and found that he does look thinner there. I sort of told him as casually as I could that you look different from the photo and he didn't seem to remember what he sent and asked if it was a great deal. I said I know I am being shallow but I felt like the process hasn't been honest even if it wasn't his fault and that I still liked him a lot. I really do, we share so much in common.


Most Helpful Guy

  • LOL yep the greatest crime a person can commit; not living up to your expectations.

    Honestly, if you're just not feeling it, if you're not having any physical attraction to him, you should just end it. It's fair for you and fair for him. I personally don't believe feelings grow with time when you are with a person you have little or not attraction for, well, except feelings of resentment and frustration. Better to, nip it at the bud, where the wound will hurt less, than to force yourself to go forward. Just kindly tell him it's not working out, no need to be mean about it. If he's around your age or older, he should be worldly enough to accept it like a man.

    • Problem is I am not completely not feeling it. I have grown attached to him. There lies the dilemma. I am attracted to him in some ways. Yet I'm attracted to other people who are better looking too but who have nothing in common with me but I'm not gonna go after them.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Women aren't very different from men. They judge on looks, weight, height, money, size, social status, confidence. You are no different that other women. Only you can decide is something is worth it to you.

    Other people have to lives with any decision you make.


What Girls Said 3

  • i've never thought dating online was real...but I've heard of people who say it is. Its just not the same as IRL. I know you'd like to think that you've looked beyond the physical, but the truth is, you haven't. Do you even have chemistry with him IRL? If not this is slightly pointless. Just imagine if anyone who is mildly more attractive than him comes along, and you actually like this person too... he's going to be history in no time. On top of that, you may grow to resent him for not being what you want (which is not his fault); and you may grow bitter if you stay. I'm not telling you to stay or go, I am however, telling you to be realistic and honest with yourself.

  • You obviously don't like him all that much and his personality did not win you over or else you wouldn't have cared what he looked like. I think you shouldn't waste his or your time pursuing something you don't like. Its only going to end up in resentment. If you can't accept him as he is then move on.

    • So its a now or never thing? If I can't accept him being slightly overweight now, I probably won't ever after?

    • Yep. Its been such a long time and you still can't accept it. Do you really think you will be able to?

  • he was clever sending you a head shot...cunning is the fox !

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