Why doesn't my boyfriend include me in this group of new friends?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 18 months. We broke up for 2 days at 7 months into the relationship and then again about 3 months ago for a few hours, both times because he wanted more space. Most of the time, we spend our free time together and we tell each other we are best friends. When we broke up the first time, he acted the same as always toward me, minus the hand holding, but we texted constantly, and he tried to kiss me. The second time, it was after he hung out with a new group of friends that includes 5 girls and 2-3 other boys. Two of the boys are dating girls within that group. I do eat lunch with them at school. The "leader" of the new group doesn't invite me to her parties or other planned get togethers. She liked my boyfriend as more than a friend (it seemed) but then got her own man, who recently broke up with her. My boyfriend has only gone out with this group 2 times since they all started hanging out a few months ago, so he doesn't get together with them much. This "leader" invited a girl, who told my boyfriend that she likes him, to her next get together with that group. I'm still not invited. My boyfriend said I need to find more of my own friends and let him have these. I have friends but he is always able to be around them, and they aren't new friends. They are the same good friends I've had for years. I still consider him my best friend, and he said that of me. However, he is getting kind of close or something to the "leader" of that group, who clearly doesn't like me. I know he has defended me to her because she put me down when she knew I was jealous, and that made me mad when he just gets friendly again. She and another girl also convinced my boyfriend that I was being too flirty with a boy in the group, but I wasn't--it was him talking to me at lunch as I sat there while my boyfriend talked to those girls. I feel that I need to break up with him for this type of behavior. I don't always need to go along, but it would be nice to be invited and not specifically discluded from these events. I had a great summer so far with my boyfriend, and we are stronger than ever when no one else is around. We even went so far as to get "pre-engaged" and plan marriage. These girls know all this and I don't think they like him or want him for themselves but I do think they are jealous we are close sometimes. What do you think? I've already made a total ass of myself, and been dumped by him twice for yelling, crying, and putting down these friends. Both times they hung out, this happened. He comes back quickly and is sorry, but hanging out comes up again. Should I break up with him? What can I say? What would you want a girl to do in this situation? I'm scared and don't know what to do! Help!



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  • I don't tink you should break up with him. Jealousy's not an attractive trait. Has he ever invited him to hang out with his group of friends? If not tell him that you want him too because you think it's important for each other to know each others' friends. If it's still really bothering you that these girls thought you were flirting and that you think they don't like you, tell your boyfriend. Don't be mean about it, just tell him plain and honestly. If he gets upset and accuses you of being jealous, give him space; he probably needs more time to understand your feelings. You're boyfriends right, if you're spending so much time preoccupied with his friends you're probably not spending enough time with you're own. I think it's good for couples to have their own separate set of friends so don't expect him to invite you to hang out with them all the time. FInd your own group of friends who you'll like to hang out with often and use them to preoccupy your time while he's with his friends. I really think all your boyfriend needs is some space so let him have that, and trust him to judge the quality of his own friendships.