My formerly very keen boyfriend has totally cooled off. I just can't work it out?

When we first got together he was so intense and indicated that he wanted a serious relationship...he actually said that he couldn't see the point of being in a relationship unless it was forever. He is over ten years older than me although he has never had serious girlfriend and has always been a free spirit. In the last month or so he has completely pushed me out after being the far keener half of the relationship. We are trying to work it out and he assures me there is no one else and that he is freaked out by commitment. Yet I am not putting pressure on him to commit, I'd just like to see him more than once a week after a year long relationship where formerly he was booking dates and asking to see me. I feel like there is something he's not telling me, as this is such a drastic change. It's really stressing me out and I would love to try to move forward but I feel like the stress is making me an undesirable person to be around. Any advice?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm not seeing a lot of his actions matching up with his words here and that's a very bad sign.

    You said he doesn't see the point in having a relationship unless it was forever, yet he's a free spirit who's never had a serious girlfriend. And he also said he's freaked out by commitment. That's a drastic clash with that first statement.

    It sounds to me like he was very infatuated with you in the beginning and told you exactly what you wanted to hear so that you would date him and now he's rethinking his level of commitment to the relationship.


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What Guys Said 1

  • He's reaching an equilibrium, after being more intense than he normally is, during the start of the relationship.

    Perhaps you haven't had many relationships yourself, but generally that's how they all go.

    Intense honeymoon period, followed by calmer *firmer* levels which are sustainable in the long term.


What Girls Said 1

  • he's going to ask you to marry him

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