Should I forgive my boyfriend for lying about smoking?


I know some may get upset my question, but please I am asking for insight. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and 4 months. He recently moved in two years ago... and here goes the issue, since we met I knew he smoked but he said he wanted to quit soon and that he had previously quit years ago. He was a marine so I thought..ok this must be a man of his words. Well then in January, we had an issue where he lied about being in the hospital. He got really tight chest pains and ended in the hospital but decided to tell me he was at work not to worry me. I believe this is true because I had his co-workers sending me FB messages saying he hadn't reported to work and they were worried. SO when he finally told me he was in the ER and was afraid of worrying me..bc I suffer from depression.. I was so upset at the fact that he lied that I told him I wanted to break up with him.. He cried and begged me not to and said he even had a surprise in mind, which was that he was quitting in a week as he had been cutting down the smoking because he knew I don't like it.. Well, since then he never quit. He always said he was stressed and it hard but that they day he moved in with me he will quit. So end of May came around and he had some issues at home and asked me if he can move in with me. I wasn't sure and I told him he was not going to be able to quit the smoking and our agreement was he will when he moved in, He promised he was going to be able to quit. He tried and failed and failed. Then he finally went two weeks without it, but the minute we argued he went straight to smoke. After that I offered to get him the patch and he agreed. Only for me to find out yesterday that he's been smoking since.. for the past month and 2 weeks about it. I've asked him over and over not to lie to me and finally yesterday because I told him I saw him smoking he broke down and finally told me he's afraid and he was afraid of telling me the truth. He admitted he's been lying about it and when I've questioned him about matches I found he said I was right. That he did smoke. He kept saying he is stupid and dumb and has been lying to me. He asked me to forgive him and said he is really afraid because he doesn't think he could quit. He said he need help. SO after like an hour of both crying and him telling me all the truth, he begged me to stay with him but that he doesn't know what to do about smoking. SO I decided to tell him I will stay with him and that maybe he can smoke during work. I asked him how many did he think he needed and he said 4 to 5. So I said start with 5 a day for 2 weeks, then 4 for 2 weeks and so on until your down to 1. And he is wearing half the patch. My problem is I am so hurt and confused I shouldn't of forgiven him. Did I do the right thing? I am so afraid he will keep lying to me in the long run and even when he reaches his one a day he will have more and never quit. I am desperate.. Please give me any insight you may have...


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What Guys Said 1

  • Addiction defies all reason. It makes you do stupid things. I've battled alcohol as well as smoking. Your brain will tell you anything and everything to to use. He lies because He's ashamed that the nicotine is stronger than will power. Try suggesting he talk to a doctor there's medication that have helped many it doesn't work on all though. Just because he lies about this because He's embarrassed doesn't mean he lies about other things. I wish I could be of more assistance.

    • Thank you. I cannot suggest that as he has no medical coverage and is curreclty struggling with his part time job. But thank you for yoyr insight. His lies def. hurt btu you may be right, he may just be lying about smoking because he is ashamed. He mentioned he is so afraid of me. Although I never yell at him, I did tell him before I cannot stay with him if he smokes, so he said he is terrified about losing me.

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