I don't know whether to chase her

Hey, I've known this girl for over 5 years now. I've only recently started liking her, and she's amazing. She's funny, smart and beautiful and I just want to tell her how I feel. But we all know it isn't that easy.

I don't know whether she likes me though, I sometimes catch her staring at me, you know, little signs like that.

I hang out with her a lot at school, and a little out of school. I live quite far from her now so we don't hang out as much.

We text quite a bit, and we initiate conversation quite equally (sometimes I start, sometimes she does)

I'd have told her by now, no doubt about it. But we're good friends, and I don't want to ruin that. I've read about signs of being in the friend zone, and the supposed signs don't really apply to me. She NEVER talks to me about other boys, we argue a fair bit (to which she claims we're like a married couple, do I stop chasing her here?)

I just don't let her push me around.

I was hoping if someone would give me their opinion on the matter and give me a push in the right direction on whether I should chase her or not. Again, I'm a confident guy and I'm all for doing over thinking, but this is different as I don't want to make this friendship awkward if the feelings aren't returned.



Most Helpful Girl

  • I went out with one of my close friends. We had a very bad break up, and the whole experience ruined our friendship beyond repair.

    That being said, I don't think my case is what always happens. If I were you, I'd go for it.

    Here's the thing about the friend-zone: it doesn't exist. A girl will never become "too close" to you to not be attracted to you. It's possible that she doesn't have anything but platonic feelings for you, but it has nothing to do with your level of friendship.

    Here are the possible consequences of you telling her:

    1. She feels the same way. You go out. Something goes wrong and you both break up. The friendship is ruined forever/nothing between you two will ever be the same.

    2. She feels the same way. You go out. Something goes wrong and you both break up. You stay friends and go right back to the way your relationship was before you dated.

    3. She feels the same way. You go out. Best relationship EVER.

    4. She doesn't feel the same way. You get rejected. You stay friends.

    5. She doesn't feel the same way. You get rejected. Things get awkward. Nothing is the same between you two.

    Only 2/5 situations end with the friendship being ruined. Another 2/5 don't end ideally, but you still stay friends. 1/5 is perfect. All together, 3/5 situations aren't very bad at all. Mathematically, the odds are in your favor if you tell her.

    If you don't tell her, here's what can happen:

    1. You drive yourself crazy and watch as she moves on and finds someone else. You always wonder what could have happened, but you'll never know because you weren't able to grow a pair and confess.


    You don't tell her: 100% chance of total suckishness

    You tell her: 40% chance of total suckishness

    Which one sounds better to you?


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What Girls Said 2

  • Listen. The friend zone sucks, plain and simple. I have been there plenty of times. JUST DO IT. the worst she can say is no, so just tell her your feelings, and you are wrong, it IS that easy, and being afraid of "ruining the friendship" is just your excuse for chickening out..please, friendships with different genders never work because there are always hidden feelings like this! honestly, she deserves a guy like you, who thinks that she's great! Don't go all the way into like falling-all-over-her just yet, but do tell her that you have feelings as more than a friend..just do that and let me know how it goes, and I can give you some other tips if you want..hope I helped! :)

    • And you never know..she could just be really good at hiding her gigantic crush on you ;)

  • If you two are truly great friends it is likely that you can tell her how you feel without ruining the friendship.

    1. Tell her and she likes you back. Awesomesauce!

    2. Tell her and she just wants to be friends. This can work if you just act like normal. Only difficulty here is that it will be hard on you to contain your feelings and just be friends without thinking about how much you like her.

    3. You do nothing. You will drive yourself crazy.

    This is the hardest situation. I'm a girl. I started really liking one of my guy friends after a couple of years. I told him how I felt. He just wanted to stay friends. We are still friends, but it was very difficult for me in the beginning because I really did want something more. I stuck it out though because ultimately he means so much to me that I would rather he be a part of my life than not.


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