How do you know when a relationship is just not going to work?

So, I met someone online who I got along with pretty good. Lots of stuff in common, but as most people do we both have baggage & are somewhat set in our ways after divorce. We had some disagreements & squabbles along the way. After 8 months we decided to try living together before attempting marriage. Within 2 weeks I was already wondering if it was going to work. We were having arguments regularly, like every other day. He has OCD, is extremely abrasive & has a very sharp tongue & doesn't care who gets hurt by it. He will only give if I am giving the same amount & quality. He figures he's going to hurt others before they can hurt him.

This is a recent example which caused the fight & forced me to move back home.

He had to work a midnight to 6 am shift so was sleeping during the afternoon/evening before work. I was planning on making fajitas for dinner, but nothing was said as to what time he wanted to eat. He woke up & was pissed cause dinner wasn't ready. Since I was busy doing some school work & he went back to bed, I waited to fix it until a bit later. He was pissed that I only made the fajitas & didn't make beans & rice with it. So, stupid me...I don't tell him to stuff it & be grateful for what I did make. (I've never made side dishes with fajitas before) I made regular brown rice which he eats with practically everything & beans. Guess who was pissed that it wasn't Mexican rice?

So,(according to him) it was my fault for not taking the initiative to scour the cupboards to WOW him with dinner. I should have made a complete meal. I'm old enough to know you should do that. I've been to a Mexican restaurant, so I should know it should be served that way. I've been in a relationship before, so should know better. He always makes a complete meal & therefore if I love him, I should notice that, be grateful for it & do the same for him. & therefore cause I didn't I don't love or care about him.

Long story short, this started an argument, cause I just wasn't going to take his crap. It was completely ridiculous that I was supposed to know when he was going to get up (cause I'd been there a month & should know his schedule by then). Ridiculous that I should know what should be fixed w fajitas & he just won't listen to my explanation. He thinks it's ridiculous I don't know these things. Apparently he didn't get the memo about me not having ESP. I threw his keys at his leg & he picked up a butcher knife off the counter & acted like he was going to throw it at me, but then put it in the sink. He left for work, I packed up my stuff & left. I realize I egged him on instead of leaving him alone when he was already mad, but he feels throwing keys is the same as threatening w a knife.

So the question is, is there a possibility to repair a relationship after it has gotten to this point? We have spoken some & I feel have worked out compromises, but I worry this behavior will continue. Loving each other does not guarantee a relationship will work.


Most Helpful Guy

  • You know it's not going to work when you're miserable all the time.

    • No, being miserable is not worth it. I do believe that people can be capable of changing, but they have to be willing & be able to make those changes. My worries are that I'm giving up on something that could be really good, that I'm being overly sensitive & making mountains out of molehills. If it was always miserable & there were no good times, it would be an easier answer for me. Thanks for your comment!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Sounds like you're afraid to be alone. If he's a drag to spend time with ditch him. You're not doing him or yourself any favors by sticking around. Tell him how you feel. If that doesn't go well then you know he's not the right guy for you.

    • I think there is a part of me that doesn't want to be alone - I think that's the same for everyone. There are good things about him, otherwise I would have never considered being with him. There are just so many issues to work out & when one person thinks they are already doing more than their share to fix them, nothing gets solved. I know happy relationships don't happen without work, but it shouldn't feel like boot camp everyday either. Thanks for your comment!

What Girls Said 1

  • We all know deep in souls when it not going to work. But we get so busy trying to make it work. All the while we pay no attention to what is going on around . We end up feeling empty and regretful.

    Empower to your inner voice and listen To it. It will not stir you wrong.

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