What should I do when I'm falling for a man who isn't my boyfriend?

OK so here is the deal.

I am NOT a unfaithful person, never have been and never will be; I find the idea of cheating horrible. This is why I feel so horrid about my situation.

This is a long story so bear with me.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year and a half and we moved in with each other about two months ago. He is part of the military and he had to go on a training course that is 2.5 months and has been gone now for 6 weeks, so we really haven't been living with each other. Because he has been away I have been making more friends to kinda fill my time since now he's gone I have been having more time on my hands.

This is where the "other" man comes in. He is a guy who I work with, so we see each other often at work and are work friends, so we joke around and "flirt" a good amount. One night a couple of work friends (including him) and I all hung out and we hit it off... Just as friends, but now outside of work.

We text ALL the time and have so many of the same interests and different interests, which is awesome because I feel like I'm being introduced to new things when I hang out with him. Which is not what happens with my boyfriend, we are so much alike its like I'm dating myself.

Lately me and this other guy have been hanging out just us two and I have been developing a crush... Or definitely have developed one. I also can clearly tell that he has developed feelings for me as well.

I can't decide anything yet because I feel like I have forgotten what its like being with my boyfriend, so I don't know if I'm just trying to replace him with this new guy or maybe I have actually found something/someone better.

I feel horrible thinking this way. But I honestly want my boyfriend to do something like cheat on me or break up with me so that I don't have to decide anything... He can decide it for me.

I just don't really know who to talk to about this because everyone loves my boyfriend, he is such a good guy, and when people see us they just see the perfect couple... So how can I talk to anyone about this without them judging me?

Can someone just say something that will make me feel less sh*tty about myself? ha ha I don't even know if I deserve kind words.

Maybe if someone has been in a similar situation they could give me advice?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well no matter what you do don't cheat on him. If I were you, I would wait for your boyfriend to come back and see if you still really like this. It's kind of sh*tty that your boyfriend is not around for a while and you start wandering elsewhere. What if this new guy has something come up and is gone for couple months? Will you find yourself falling for someone else? Come on... That's not a good way to live your life. Live it by strict principles. Don't hurt your current boyfriend. Karma is a bitch and when a guy does that to YOU, you will learn that it SUCKS!

    • I know! That's why I feel horrible. I will NEVER ever cheat on anyone. He deserves my respect out of this situation because I am very aware that it is entirely my fault.

      I am also worried if maybe I am someone who (as you put it) "wanders" when the other is gone for awhile. I need a physical connection rather than just emotional. And I definitely do not want to live that way... but its good that I am aware of it.

      I am not doing anything till he gets home. So I can for sure know my feelings.

    • There you go. I promise your boyfriend will respect that fact that you actually waited/told him the truth rather than screw him over. I also promise you'll be happier with the fact that you are where you are emotionally without selling someone out.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • This is why guys should always be on the prowl and making sure you always have a fallback woman.


What Girls Said 2

  • If you can imagine yourself happier with other people, your current boyfriend isn't the guy for you.

    Simple as that.

  • you have to decide your priorities. are you with your boyfriend because everyone likes him, or because you really do? do you see him in your future, that being long distance is worth it? only you can know.