Why is it so hard for a man to say he needs you?

Ok, so there's this dearest friend of mine, we're both studying at acting school and want to direct movies too. We're always exchanging movies or books to get ideas, to learn stuff.

two weeks ago I go to his place, he lends me a book, saying "you should read this. When I did I thought it'd be a kick ass movie." I warn him I'm quite busy at the moment and will read it when I have time, he says OK.

He asks me if I read it last week, told him I still hadn't,and today he was mad at me saying : "haven't you read it yet? You very well know how I'm craving for your opinion and you can't find a couple of hours to read the f*****g booK?"

but : no I don't know he "craves" for my opinion, he never tells me how much he cares about it, never tells me how much he cares about me either as a matter of fact. Yes our friendship is ambiguous, but why does he have that bad habit to lessen the need he has of me and my opinion, while boasting about the need I have of HIS opinion and himself? shouldn't it be 50/50?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Some men worry that saying he needs someone, will be seen by others as a sign of weakness. Those men are actually correct. People do often judge a great deal of a man's worth on being able to stand on his own two feet. We are not only suppose to be able to take care of ourselves, but also our families as well. A lot of people can not handle the pressure of being needed, so in order to excuse their own fear, claim the man is too needy and falsely judge him as weak. That way they are free to abandon him in his hour of need without feeling guilty about it.

    • Hmm think I see what you mean. So what I should do next time is assume if he says " you should do this" it means " I need you to do this?"

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    • I would suggest choosing your words carefully so you don't hurt his pride. Don't say "Do you need" instead try something like "Would you like to" or "It might be nice if we". That way he doesn't have to admit that you know he needs help.

    • sound advice, and taken! I'll try not to hurt his pride again, or bring him to the point where he has to say that he needs me, because pride, he's got some, a little above average already.. ;)

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What Guys Said 3

  • There is no right opinion in this. If he does care about your opinion, take solace in that.

    Clearly he really liked the book, and just wants to have some good conversation about it. And of all the people he wants to talk about it with, he wants to talk about it with you the most.

    • yes, I understand that. just, evrything is that way, I mentioned the book because it just happened, but I'm supposed to guess what he means always, and I was told guys were straightforward... oO looks like not all of them.

    • Its more that men like to have others be straightforward to them. but its very difficult for some men to just say how they feel. Its a matter of biology and social norms. Mens brains cannot translate emotions and feelings into conscious thoughts as well as women, and when they do, they commonly get negative reactions from others. (most of the time, just awkward moments)

    • very interesting I think. somehow it reassures me : it's not because you guys don't say it that you don't mean it.. ;)

  • because any time a man shows weakness the girl flies away or is repelled by him somehow. t least, that's my case, but I know many others too, who try to be open about how they feel, only for the girl be running for the hills the very next minute

    • do you think there would be any way to make you for example, change that?

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    • alright, I did want to write pride too, so you got it;) Anyway, it's not something that will change easy, if you want to do something about it though, my opinion is that you should try to make him understand (more through actions than words) that he does not need to feel threatened and that you need him too. BUt he seems a bit of a hard case?;)

    • he's a hard case for sure, he's got pride all over him. what drives me crazy is : I can feel he needs me, I can feel he cares for me, and I think he has feeling for me. but as he doesn't say it... :p there's time where I think I imagine it. anyway, I can't do anything about us right now, cause, it's not a good moment for him to get involved,say,in smthg serious... :s

  • Some guys are just very full of themselves.


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