Exclusive but not commited?

Well, I met this guy 2 months ago by work meeting, we talked for hours and ended up sleeping together without having sex, then a week later he told me he couldn't stop thinking about me, since that he contacted me everyday for 2 months now, introduced me to his friends, meet my friends, even now we work together, we see each other at least 3 times a week and had great sex.

Thing is, he has just decided to move back to this country 5 months ago and trying to develop his works here, he told me his intention to come back was not to have a girlfriend, but because he met me and really likes me so that's why we are dating.

Then I asked him if he doesn't want a commit relationship he should be fair and tell me now, then he said he doesn't know where will it go, and asked me why we can't just take it slow and enjoy what we have now? Now I am confused, as he told me he is not flirting/sleeping with anyone else so we are exclusive, but then pointing out that he is only here 5 months and everything is like the beginning for him so he wants the least commitments. He said he can't imagine to settle down. I'm confused as he introduced me to lots of his friends and they all like me and even started asking are we boyfriend/girlfriend yet? He doesn't avoid to kiss me sometimes in front of his friends. He said he isn't trying to keep himself a single image and asked me why the title is so important?

i can see he thinks about me everyday from his daily sms.

I want to know am I stupid to keep myself for this guy, need some advices.

Btw, I am older than him but he said he doesn't care.

Please tell me how much I should put myself in this grey area and how long I should wait for?

My friends like him and think he is an honest person, I could see how much efforts he put on works, too. But I'm still afraid maybe he just want to keep me when he is still interest and can easily to say goodbye when one day he gets bored?

Or maybe it is too fast to expect a relationship after 2 months?

And he told me he isn't like other guys just to f*** around because he isn't and he doesn't want to.

What should I do now? I started to care a lot about him, and he told me he does give a sh*t as well.

Am I being played?

and by the way, at the very beginning I've told him that I want a relationship in the future, so he knows that I am not looking for just fun.

Now what he said was he doesn't want anything "complicated". It is starting to get difficult, when I see girls around him and try to flirt with him, I couldn't act jealous. He sometimes got jealous, too but he would just come behind me and touch my back then walked away when guys came around me..

and the most confusing is, he said he doesn't want commitment now, but his action is pretty much like being my boyfriend just without saying it out loud..


Most Helpful Girl

  • he told you upfront that this is not a committed relationship, therefore, he is not lying to you.

    he told you plainly that he does not give a sh!t, therefore he is not lying about his feelings.

    he told you he cannot imagine to settle down, therefore you know his intentions.

    here's the thing, he told you what he wanted, and he's pretty much sticking to that.

    You also told him what you wanted, but you're pretty much NOT sticking to that.

    If you really want a relationship, why would you spend time with a guy who does not? That is illogical and he knows it, and in the end if he leaves you or finds another girl, he will have logic on his side. He knows you are going off of feelings right now. See, this is what we women do, we hear the facts but choose to ignore them in favor of the romantic stuff. There is always a crash and burn just up the road if you don't heed the traffic signs.

    By being with him, you are communicating two things to him. 1. What I want doesn't matter as much as what you want and 2. I don't really mean what I say.

    You are not being played in the typical sense, for he has told you the truth. But your emotions are being played like a Stradivarius (violin). It is up to you to make a decision here, because he already has made a decision and things are going in the direction he likes. Is it going in the direction you like? Do you want to stay with this guy who doesn't want a relationship? Or do you want to leave, and find what you are looking for?

    Its your choice; but leave the feelings out of it.

    good luck!

    • Thank you for your words, but he didn't say he doesn't want a relationship, he just said take it slow and see..and he said he "does" give a sh*t...I told him if this is going nowhere he should just tell me then I know where is the line, then he said he just don't know yet, maybe it will turn to a relationship but he can't promise now. I am feeling a bit unfair, we are exclusive but not sure heading to a relationship, he is still afraid of something, should I just be patient and not pushing?

    • Show All
    • Thank you, and I am sorry because I am Chinese my English isn't that great, anyway, if I break the exclusive commitment and go on a date, does it look like I am pushing him to decide? I thought guys hate to be pushed to commit, it is a bit like gambling now, to give more time and "maybe" we will turn to a serious relationship, but if not and I fall in love with him I'm sure I will feel hurt at that moment.

    • you are not pushing him to commit. you are determining whether he will. we teach people how we wish to be treated. you can wait indefinitely for him. it really is up to you.

      good luck!

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • I think it's a bit too fast to expect anything after 2 months, so maybe that's just what you need, more time.

    • Thanks, you are the only guy answer here, so from what you see here that what he needs is just time, right? or you think he is finding some excuse to enjoy time with me but never commit? When I said commitment, I was only thinking about bf/gf, but he mentioned even from boyfriend/girlfriend to move in together/get married...etc, it seems commitment means a lot heavier to him than to me..

What Girls Said 1

  • it soudns like he is only paying you attention so I guess for now I would proceed and be careful. if he honestly is not seeing or sleeping with anyone else I think he is just playing it safe. 2 months is not really too fast to expect a relationship in my opinion.

    • Hi, thank you and I'd like to know what do you mean by playing it safe? 2 months maybe isn't too fast but he was only in this country for 5 months though, and he mentioned what if work and stuff don't go right and he has to leave? At some point it seems he is somehow careful in a responsible way as well...so confused..

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