The time away from him and my not busy schedule made me have insecure thoughts. I sort of attacked him on the phone with he doesn't care, that I wanted to see him more, and I'm more invested than him. That he should take back how he was when we met up because it wasn't true.
He works a lot and has things going for him. I don't want to intrude. I am in no place to expect him to be a certain way for me. My emotions got crazy. Maybe I thought it was all too good to be true? Because he was very sweet when we met and I was relieved to find out I meant something and I wasn't alone in dealing with hurt from getting over him. I just wanted to be closer with him, but I ended up pushing him away. I was selfish and impatient. Even for a friendship. I wasn't respecting him.
I kind of ruined things or got back into my old behavior of acting irrational. Thankfully, he said we'll meet and talk again. As we're trying to reconnect. I'm supposed to explain myself. I just want to have a good time with him and get to know him again. Hoping he'll forgive me and we'll continue seeing each other every once in a while. I feel like trust needs to be rebuilt. I don't want to overreact again and I don't want to feel hurt again, or lose him.
It's a really strange situation.
I wonder if I get as I do because I've been conditioned to be that way with him. Things should be different. I feel like we're being more communicative. It was unfair of me to expect more and assume, and not let him know. Maybe I still have feelings for him. I mean I'm pretty sure he does too. But I don't know if it's because of familiarity. We'd have to rebuild. He was my best friend too.
I feel like us being together makes me happy. But time apart can be unhealthy. Because my mind wanders. Maybe that's normal for having been broken up with.
Its something I think is worth pursuing, as crazy as it may seem.