Over 2000 texts. Is he really interested or am I his backup girl?

We met a month ago. The following weekend he invited me to a party. I came, he wasn't very attentive to me. Gave me a handshake goodbye. Since we met he texts me a lot. I'm talking hundreds of texts a day. We talk about 5 days a week. Our conversations get flirty sometimes, but nothing extremely sexual. I invited him to a party last weekend but I only got a "maybe, I'll see how the weekend goes". Things ended up not working out. Every thing I've invited him to he says "maybe, work is crazy". Is his job and personal schedule really that busy? I'm not sure how much longer I can go without actually being on a date. Am I just a backup? I hear through the mutual friends that he's interested. Could a guy texting me that much really be uninterested? Help! Do I stop texting him?
He lives 45 min away. Might that be a factor for him? It's not for me.
I wish I had a few more guys answering. What are they thinking, why are they this hard to figure out?


Most Helpful Girl

  • You're the back up girl. He likes you. But he isn't attracted to you. There isn't much of a chase. He has other girls he is more interested in. He has the great friendship emotional relationship with you...has the other girls for the physical and hanging out.

    I am just quoting what things were said to me lol. I was in a similar situation that began in June and recently ended in me being friend zoned and then no contacted because I apparently liked him way more than me. He apparently just wanted me around for everything but an actual girlfriend.

    We sent over 6000 texts, 20plus hours on the phone and hung out. It was a crazy connection I might not ever find again. And he initiated 90% of our convos if there was ever a break in them, which was not often. Even up to the last day we spoke, when he said we shouldn't talk anymore.

    Slow it down. Control your feelings and breathe. If you find that you DO like him. Think about what's more important to you, the friendship (which could grow into something later) or you REALLY wanting to be with him. If I had the chance to change what happened that is what I would have done. I wouldn't have scared my best friend off, yes in a short amount of time, I really view him as a soul mate best friend type. I would still have him in my life. And I wouldn't be a train wreck because I miss him so much. BUT if you cannot be friends with him or fathom him hanging with out girls or talking to you about other girls. Tell him your feelings and if he doesn't feel the same. Do not be the fool like I was and continue to push for more. Get out of the situation, fast. It is heartbreaking. I continued talking to him thinking that it was going to make him change his mind which he DID say he might regret it later. But...again I think that because we got so close so fast, I was basically automatically put there.

    Of course, your situation might be completely different. I hope that helps a little though.

    Praying you have better luck than me!

    • We as girls taking texts to heart more than guys do. We need to learn not to hang on to what things on screens say and figure out things in person.

    • Good advice. I don't put a lot into text messages. You can't hear voice tone or see body language. That's why dating in person is necessary. Thanks!

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What Guys Said 2

  • if he has time to send you like 100 text a day he obviously isn't that busy. and I don't know why would he send 100 text a day to some back up chick.

    my guess is he's scared.

    • Oh its possible. :(

    • Show All
    • Same thing happened with me and my 'guy'. It was the deepest, most intimate connection. It was nuts how much and the things we talked about. BUT yeah, I was just his 'go to' person. Just be careful

    • Would he really be scared? Why would a man be scared to hand out in person?

  • He's enjoying the fact that you're showing some form of interest/giving him some form of attention.

    He likes the validation but doesn't necessarily want anything else.

    If I were you? I'd ditch his ass.

    That's just me.


What Girls Said 3

  • The number of times you and him text mean nothing to him. Guys don't think about stuff about that. Numbers mean nothing to them. If it doesn't mean like he interested in hanging out or seems to always be busy if I were you I'd stop inviting him to do things and stop always being available for when he invites you to do stuff. He might not be uninterested but to me it doesn't seem that you have his full attention.

  • LoL? Are we talking about the same fool? We were 45 min apart, apparently that was HUGE distance? lol

    • Lol That's crazy girl. I'm in So Cal so I doubt it.

    • Oh I know its not for real the same person but sounds quite similar lol. And I wish I was in So Cal and not PA! lol

  • Hi there. Your next steps does not have to be an all or nothing. Your choices don't have to be do we have something or do I stop texting him. You can continue to talk to someone and not have a relationship. I personally think that he's not that into you. Anytime that there are mixed signals or confusion in feelings it makes me take a step back. Any guy interested in you that invites somewhere and then barely pays attention when you're there. I would continue to chat if he text me but I wouldn't continue to ask him out. Wish you the best.

    • If you get a chance you should read my article. In it is a section about men who tell you they are too busy for you. link

    • Thank you. I will. :)

    • Hi there.saw your update.men are not that hard to figure out, women just to like to see or hear what is obvious, hence why men are probably not responding to this. To put it in perspective I once dated a guy that lived 3hrs away. He hopped on a train for 2hrs,30mins almost every weekend. If a guy really wants to be with you he will make time and find a way. He is already showing you where you stand you just don't want to accept it. Again I wish you the best. Read the article, words AND actions!

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