Help me understand dating 'out of one's league'?

A friend was explaining to me that a person can only date two steps above their own league? Does everyone keen on this? How would a person know where they fall on the scale? I never thought of dating this way. And don't feel people are not good enough or too good. Please explain. I like guys who personality matches well with mine, same values...u know things like that. what's this out of your league business about?
typo: *IS everyone keen on this


Most Helpful Guy

  • We all classify people around us into quality levels. The nature of the measured quality differs from person to person, but we do classify people. Some people we classify as better than us, some as worse than us, some as much better, some as much worse and a lot as pretty much the same as us. Again, what exactly we do measure varies.

    Some people measure looks and fitness.

    Some people measure money and power.

    Some people measure personality and behaveour.

    Some people measure social prestige and reputation.

    We measure other people on the scales that matter to us. And most of us would not like to date/mate with a person to far away from ourselves in the scale that we find important.

    So a person for whom looks and fitness is important to measure the quality of another person will probably not feel comfortable with an SO that is way more beautiful than themselves. But they may be perfectly OK with a much much more intelligent person. A really high IQ person who find intelligence important will probably not enjoy being with a low IQ person, but may have no problem with a person who look like as scarecrow as long as they're smart enough.

    It is about being comfortable together and not constantly be in competition in the scale of quality that we feel is important.


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What Guys Said 6

  • 1. hahahahahahahaahahah

    2. BS

    Too many examples to post, most models stay home because other think they are busy.

    Who was Tom Cruise's last wife? Research that ...

    Antonio Banderas was once a nobody - what was his story?

    Think military -> officers -> rich gals

    That should get the ball rolling ...

    You have a know-it-all on your hands, my dear and he has found someone that believes he is a guru. Be careful when unmasking him, he might run away.

    • im more confused now

    • Do the homework given. You will see how people 2-10 steps out of league won their "date". Write me tomorrow, OK?

  • People tend to have their own personal perception of how they view themselves, as well as others, in terms of attractivess (combination of looks, personality, etc.). There are some generalities involved, but it's ultimately all relative to the individual. Sometimes people like to use the numbers rating scale, 1-10, for example. "I'm a 7 so that means I can date a 9, someone two steps above me, those are the rules". It's pretty ignorant to make a little "system" out of it like that. Anyone with some degree of intelligence and wisdom knows that individuals have very different perceptions and tastes, making any kind of rating system or rules completely ridiculous. They make a reference to this in the movie She's Out of My League (maybe where you friend got the idea from) and it was meant entirely as a joke to show how stupid it is to think that way.

    If you're friend is in their late 20s and they genuinely think this way, you might want to consider finding a new friend lol. It's kind of embarassing.

  • There is no scale. Or if there is it's irelevant.

    Example: One person can be a 10 to someone, but this same person can be a one to someone else.

  • "out of one's league" is BS!

    It's nothing but an excuse not to talk to someone you want to talk to.

    Don't follow your friend's advice!

  • I don't know how you really define the 'steps' but there is some truth to different social circles making a relationship more difficult.

    To the other poster about 'models staying home' it is true that it can be tough to approach a very attractive women for 2 reasons:

    1 - Fear of her not thinking you measure up

    2 - Fear of actually getting her and having to defend her/deal with guys comming after her non-stop

    It can be difficult to date someone that you know when they are not with you - they are getting hit on all the time. It can make you insecure even if she is not doing anything wrong.

  • It is important to remember that, being out of a person's league, can mean different things to different people. Everyone has a value they attach to themselves. This is a combination of looks, personality, skills, money, and education. Also some people value certain traits more than others.

    Most people want someone that is at least their equal. So it makes sense most people wouldn't date way below themselves. From the outside looking in, most people can see plus or minus two steps in each couple, but no more.


What Girls Said 1

  • I get what you mean 'cause it's not the way I think of dating either. I don't think in terms of leagues or scales, I don't rate people's appearances or compare social statuses or whatever. It just seems so... calculated and I'm not that rational when it comes to matters of the heart. For me it's like, if I can feel a connection with someone and he's interested too, then that's a good place to start. As simple as that.


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