I want things to progress naturally, but this "thing" is in the way. What are your ideas?

I met a guy last January. He is 11 years younger than me. He asked me out. I told him no once I found out how young he was. He tried for three weeks to get me to go out with him. Eventually, he stopped trying.

We both got on with our lives. Randomly out of the blue he started texting me again. This time I agreed to meet him and said only as a friend. We met up and I am very attracted to him. He asked me out again. Second date, we spent the whole day and evening together. I really wanted him to kiss me and finally brought it up. Of course he mentioned that I said we were only friends and he thought that was off limits (but that he has wanted to kiss me since the first time he saw me).

We spent another date together, this time at my place watching a movie. Of course he started kissing me etc. He told me he has a "friend" coming into to town for three weeks. He said a girl and her brother. WELL I knew exactly who it was because he has pictures of her and her brother with him on his facebook. He met her when he was traveling. He spent a month of his time with her. She is a little younger than him and very pretty. By the pictures and comments it seems they both liked each other very much.

She is coming on Monday. He and I have a date planned for this weekend. He is taking me to the coast for the weekend. I wasn't sure what to say to him about this girl. He met her before he and I started going out. Yes, he tried to have sex with me on the third date, but I didn't want to (well I really wanted to) because he has this girl coming.

He says he will be spending the whole three weeks completely with her, taking her all over, showing her things and traveling a bit. I realize they met before we started going out and made these plans well before.

He says I should be patient because she will be gone and that will be it with her. He says they can't have anything because she lives in another country.

At the same time, three weeks with someone, doing fun things, spending all your time and money on them.. and he already likes her.. sucks for me..(ruins the start of what we could have-- if he even wants anything with me)-- when she leaves he will be sad and only thinking of her. He jokingly said, well then I will have to come crying to your arms (what ever).

There isn't anything I can do. I told him I wasn't going to wait around for him. I was going to go out with others and he said OK (but that he hopes my dates don't go well so when she leaves we can be together again).

I want to go spend time with him this weekend and just have fun and not think about her. It will be the last time I see him for three weeks though. I also really want to "be" with him (hard to resist) but I also don't want it to seem like I am just doing it because she is coming. I am torn. I want things to progress naturally, but this "thing" is in the way. What are your ideas?
I actually like him & shouldn't be so crass-He is emotionally mature (even though he is younger). He can read me and he is open with me & initiates conversations--wants to make sure I am OK. He is from Brazil (where he met the other girl visiting mom), was in the military there, has 2 older brothers who live here (one 4yrs and the other 8yrs older), dad died when he was 17. He dated someone for 3 years then married for 3 yrs. divorced a year ago- now wants to meet someone again-works-doesn't drink
It is obvious he is very excited that she is coming. He bought new furniture and sold his car. He is in the process of buying a new one.We saw each other last weekend and he was busy all week getting ready for her. He called me Wednesday and asked me to come over at 11pm! What? I had to work the next day. We haven't had sex yet. If that wasn't an invitation to have sex... I said no then we got into an argument on the phone (a discussion but it went no where).Now he has shortened our wknd plan


Most Helpful Guy

  • He's playing both ends against the middle.

    You'll never be sure whether he's only with you.

    If he's doing this to the other girl, you can imagine what's in store for you.

    Don't believe the "it's over." "It's over" because it's convenient for it to be over to win you.

    He hopes your dates don't go well. What a crock of manipulation.

    When I re-read your question, he comes out worse with every reading.

    Now, there may be other facets to this that aren't in the question; I'm going on what is in the question.

    • So... I should spend the weekend with him at the coast and have a lot of good sex with no expectation... right? :-) He is 11 years younger and very attractive. I am tired of saying no to guys because I am waiting for someone to be serious. Ultimately I do want something serious (w/him or another). I have a date w/someone else tonight. The young guy knows. If he were my age, then I cancel this wknd and tell him he will need to truly show me he is interested in only me. I am skeptical because age

    • Show All
    • He is making this really hard on me. We were supposed to go to the coast this weekend. He has changed our plans. Due to him being so excited that she is coming he has gone out and bought new furniture, sold his car and is buying another one. He didn't sell his car as soon as he would have liked to and still needs to buy one. He says he needs Saturday to do this! Now he wants to go only Saturday night & spend some time Sunday-she will be here Monday..I told him no-he says we can talk tonight

    • Can we be friends? If we are, I can message you. I don't send friend requests to women. If you would like to be friends, please send a friend request.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Don't try to over think this. Brazil has a different culture, there will always be some surprises, because you have so many different ways of looking at the world. Diversity and different viewpoints can be a little scary but also invigorating. Embrace the differences in your viewpoints and let surprises and alternate ways of thinking be an adventure. You deserve proper respect, but don't jump to conclusions based on what you think an American would do or what is normal. If you can be pleased by a different culture and not demand that you are different as a condition of the relationship, then you can welcome passion and surprise of a possibly strong emotional and good bond to grow between you. Believe him until you see proof otherwise and don't be looking to disprove him.

    I've lived in 10 countries and have seen so often, visiting Americans, jump to a conclusion based on the way someone says something or what they think is normally done back in the US.

    Hope that helps.

    • Thank you for your answer. It has been on my mind a lot. He wants me to "let go and relax" with him and to trust him, but doesn't deny that he likes this girl coming to visit. It is kind of hard to relax and let go the way he wants me to when he will just be spending a whole lot of time w/another woman. Someone else told me not to have sex w/him because he will be w/me then her then me and will link us together always thinking of her when w/me. What do you think about that? I hope for the best

    • Don't go.

      Keep your integrity.

    • I would hold off intimacy until you feel that it's right. That varies per person. Some will wait for commitment and even marriage. If you feel uncomfortable with him while he is entertaining his guest, be strong and wait. He should respect you and you deserve to be treated well. You can also ask him where he thinks this might go. Don't mention marriage. See what he says. Guys can often reveal their intentions if you ask.

  • Here's another angle: women live longer than men. The age difference is in your favor.

    Catherine and I are fully aware of our age difference. We have about 15 more years left. We decided that we'd rather have the happiness of marriage, rather than "moving on." Conscious and well-thought out decision. As I said, there is a 25-year difference in our ages; I'm older.

    Age concepts are determined by our. They don't exist in reality. People are people.

    I once went with a woman 13 years my elder. We were great!


What Girls Said 1

  • This guy sounds like drama. It's up to you if you want to stay involved with this kind of person knowing he does stuff like this.

    Personally, I would run for the hills, but it's obviously your call.

    • sound like a he's trying to be a player and use you. he's failing at it though haha.

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