Should I walk away from him?

He asked me out (he is 11yrs younger). It took a while for me to finally agree (he is attractive). We have gone out three times. The last time we went out he told me about a girl who is coming from another country to spend three weeks with him. They met while he was traveling and he has pictures of them all over his Facebook. She is his age and very pretty and I know they like each other a lot. I felt annoyed that he is taking me out and then tells me this. He says he had this planned with her before he and I went out. He says he didn't realize he would like me the way he does and that I should be patient because she will be gone in three weeks and that is it. He says they can't have anything because she lives too far away. I don't know what to do. I feel like we just got going and this is going to ruin the beginning of what could be something good. At the same time, he is much younger than me and I wonder if he just wants sex. He is divorced and is looking to meet someone new for a serious relationship, but he has already tried to sleep with me (we haven't yet but have an over night date planned this weekend at the coast.. right before she gets here). How should I handle this?
I am torn. I like him and if he wanted something serious I would give it a try. I am experienced enough to know that if I do sleep with him this soon, I risk him leaving soon and nothing else will come of it. That is the thing. I get asked out a lot by hot younger guys and yes after a few dates they try to sleep with me. I always so say no because "I have self respect" right... :-) but really I want to do it. So.. I want to sleep with him and something serious. I may end up w/neither if I wait.
I actually like him & shouldn't be so crass-He is emotionally mature (even though he is younger). He can read me and he is open with me & initiates conversations--wants to make sure I am OK. He is from Brazil (where he met the other girl-back home), was in the military there, has 2 older brothers who live here (one 4yrs and the other 8yrs older), dad died when he was 17. He dated someone for 3 years then married for 3 yrs. divorced a year ago- now wants to meet someone again-works-doesn't drink etc


Most Helpful Guy

  • He's wants to sleep with you this weekend, then he's likely going to sleep with her for a couple of weeks, and then he'll want to sleep with you again. If he sleeps with the both of you within a very short time frame(especially since he told you about her), then he'll always link the two of you together. Don't have sex with him this weekend if you want something serious with him, take it from a guy with worldly experiences.


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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 3

  • Have you EVER slept with someone soon and had it turn into something serious?

    I KNOW the desire to want to sleep with a guy. I've made the mistake on multiple occasions succumbing to lust. The momentary enjoyment always dissolved into disappointment... from him, in myself. Holding out for what you truly want IS self respect. That is a very hard lesson I've learned. And what you truly want is a serious relationship with a guy who honestly cares about you and loves you. Hold on to that thought!

    You should watch this video...

    It's long but very helpful. If you don't want to watch the whole thing then skip to about one hour in and watch til the end. The speaker talks about dating and relationships. It really spoke to me. Since he's a pastor he talks about waiting for marriage. That's not my personal choice but waiting until you know the guy is really emotionally invested in you is the best route. One comment the pastor made that sticks with me is, "Make him EARN IT!" And right now, I don't see that your young guy is earning it at all. Sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear.

    • It's OK. I know he hasn't earned it, nor is he emotionally invested in me. Sex is about all that is on his mind. He is so turned on all the time around me. Even when he just kisses me he gets excited. He definitely wants it. I have had meanful relationships with early sex (both lasting 2 1/2 years). I think I might just go with the flow but talk to him too. I don't want to ruin our weekend talk too much-thx 4the link. If doesn't want serious he will walk either way-- I will lose out if I wait.

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    • If I go into it with the idea that I don't expect he wil come back after the sex, I won't care. I have had sex without regret, not that I want that most, or do it often. At the same time, I have had plenty of young guys want to be w/me and I always say no, even though I am not w/anyone and I would love to do it. I think this time I just want to do it. I will tell him that I have no expectation and at the same time I know that if he really wanted something w/me he would do the right thing & deal

    • Yeah, you say this now... been there, done that. I promise you, Monday will be a different story. No matter how much you try to be okay with it. There will be an emptiness you won't be able to deny if you're honest with yourself.

  • I would put things on hold with him until the foreign girl is out of the picture. DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM before she arrives.

    I agree with Alice below, do you want to be his second choice? Sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too.

    Let him spend his time with her. If afterward he comes crawling back and really kisses your a$$ then MAYBE you could consider giving him another chance.

    • That is funny:-) crawling back/kiss my ass. It sounds like people think I am his 2nd choice. Maybe I am. A friend said I was his back-up-plan. I don't feel like it because she lives in another country. If she lived here, then I wouldn't even go out with him. Maybe I am second choice, but first choice to what is realistic. He says he doesn't know what will happen and he will see when she gets here- I really want to sleep with him. I don't know if a relationship will work due to our age differenc

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    • An 11yr age difference would be pushing it for me personally. But I would take into consideration his maturity level. Guys are notoriously less mature than gals their same age. There are exceptions to that though. Focus on the kind of relationship you honestly want, not the guy you want it with. By doing that you will attract the guy who will fill your specific relationship needs.

    • Yes there are some things that make it obvious we are at different places-- age wise. Those are mostly materialistic though. Since I am older, I worry about my body not looking young- for him. I look nice and am not worried in general about it, but I know I am not younger-- not trying to be-- so I don't see how he can be attracted to me other than I am pretty (and older might excite him who knows)... right now is definitely about lust that is obvious. I just need to think about this. :-) thx

  • Don't sleep with him! I wouldn't continue doing anything with him until that deal with the other girls is long over. Do you really want to be his second choice? As in, he can't have her so he'll settle for you instead? I couldn't stand that! But honestly, I understand the position he's in, he's probably pretty confused right now because he likes you, and is now wondering if he still likes the other girl too. Sounds like really bad timing to me, so I'd stop, and contact him after she's long gone.

    • That is the problem. I really want to sleep with him. He is much younger than me and I am not sure if we can have a long term committed relationship. If he wants one, I am willing to give it a try. I do like him, but otherwise I just want to have sex with him. He is very cute...hahaha..

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